Monday, October 3, 2011

You Dig. I Dig. Ya Dig?


  Jewels from According to Jewels was recently thrilled that someone “dug” her blog. Along with many valuable prizes which apparently have been hung up in the mail, she was able to post a nifty little “People Dig Me.” sign.

  Which may be just what she needs for Blogger of Note. What’s that? She’s not on Blogger anymore? Oops. Sorry. My bad.

  Happily, I also dig reading about life according to Jewels (see how I skillfully worked her blog title into this sentence? That’s why I’m a writer. On a site which doesn’t pay me any money). If you haven’t checked her out (oh, that sounds dirty), do yourself a favor and do so. If nothing else, you’ll get to see some cool bridesmaid pictures (man, there I go sounding dirty again).


  But, don’t go yet!  I’m not done.

  Part of the awards rules is that she had to answer three random facts about herself before passing it along to seven other lucky contestants.

  Why the numbers ‘3’ and ‘7’ were used was beyond her. I guess because ‘7’ is a lucky number. But...‘3’ on a match is unlucky. On the other hand, ‘1’ is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do while ‘2’ can be as bad as one (NOTE: Notice my quotation from a Three Dog Night song. Does my cleverness ever end?).

Of course, he could look like this

Personally, I think the original creator of the “People Dig Me” award couldn’t think of more than three things to say about himself. In fact, I’ll bet that he (or she. Or Chaz) probably doesn’t even exist. Like those who bestow BONs upon slap-happily (NOTE: Not a real word) delirious bloggers, he may be as real as Bigfoot or Al Gore.

  Picking seven folks is easy and unequivocally states to the blogging world that you have over a half-dozen friends (which is three thousand less than Facebook).

  Anyway, I’m happy to report that Jewels picked me.

This issue:
Cows-and the Men Who Love Them
  Before I get to my “Lucky Seven,” I guess I tell you three random facts, any one of which you may remember one day at gunpoint (don’t laugh. You might. I remember that Jewels loves white Christmas lights. See?). Collect the set and redeem them for many valuable prizes from Grit-The Magazine of the Midwest!

1. (May I use Arabic numbers? They are Arabic numbers, right?)


Guy must be really religious
  Unlike Jewels, I like Christmas lights of various hues (I wanted to use the word ‘colored,’ but, dear Lord, I didn’t want to be accused of being racist). There’s nothing as magical as garlands of twinkling blues, greens, and reds ringing the house like an electric rainbow. Mrs. Penwasser, on the other hand, likes white Christmas lights. Therefore, we have white Christmas lights.

FOR ENTERTAINMENT USE ONLY 
I am not black
2. My favorite sport is baseball. Nowhere else in the world is it permissible, nay expected, to fall asleep for over an hour only to wake up to find that very little has changed. It’s a lot like the Republican Party that way. What’s more, spitting is accepted and scratching your sack is encouraged. Both on the diamond and at Rush Limbaugh’s house.


3. I’m from Connecticut, live in Pennsylvania, traveled to over thirty countries (including New Jersey), and would love to move to North Carolina (for the barbecued everything). Plus, I go to a Presbyterian church, even though I’m a Catholic. Which means I feel guilty about everything.


  Hey, wait a minute. Did I just sneak in a fourth random fact? Hmm, I think I did. Aw, hell, what’s the worst that could happen? I get sued? By whom?


  Yep, that’s what I thought. Doesn’t exist.


  Now, to the blogs I dig. I know what you’re thinking. You want me to recognize you, but, at the same time, dread having to do the required work. I get it.


  If it will ease your minds, please don’t feel you need to do anything. The coolest aspect of this is that I get to recognize those of you whom (who?) I feel write the most entertaining blogs in the blogosphere (for the record, ‘blogosphere’ is a word I do not dig).


  So, I’m going to change the rules. Once again, what’s the worst that could happen? I get sued? Didn’t think so.

  I think I’ll use French numbers for a change:


Le 1. According To Jewels. Really, Jewels, you don’t have to do a thing. Mainly because you’ve already answered the bell, so to speak. I just wanted you to know that I like what I read.


Le 2. Wrestling With Retirement. Eva’s blog is just a delight. She offers up vocabulary lessons, tours of Maine eateries, tells wicked cool jokes, and posts a series of stories about a skank named Felicia. Good stuff, good stuff.


Le 3. Laughing My Abs Off. What can I say which hasn’t already been said? Farts, boobs, and erectile dysfunction (oops, sorry, that’s in my blog), you could do a lot worse than read Sherilin’s blog. Like have erectile dysfunction. Which is bad.  Especially if you’re a woman.


Le 4. Lemons Don't Make Lemonade. Sex in China. As if you need any more of an incentive.


Le 5. Life By Chocolate always makes me smile. And not just because Robyn is one talented, funny, clever writer. Okay, that’s why.


Le 6. If you visit Jenny from the Pearson Report (her last name is Pearson. You may have figured this out on your own), she may send you something for Canadian Thanksgiving. It’s a little known fact that one of their traditions is to throw maple candy Stanley Cups at a moose dressed like Wayne Gretsky (NOTE: Not true. Probably).


Le 7. Last, but not least is the Dirty Cowgirl. One of my newer friends, she hails from England and has a knack for the English language (which, I think, would go without saying). For instance, did you know “knackered” means “drunk?” (or is that “pissed?”). For a great read which will have you pissing your pants (In America, “piss” means “urinating”), check out Left Alone With a Full Moon.
Also not Asian.
Not a lot of pictures of white guys
in front of computers

I could name many other blogs that I “dig.” The ones I listed above are those which make me laugh. Quite a few others actually make me think (e.g., Antares Cryptos, Nancy S. Thompson) which hurts my head, even though it’s good for me.

  Anyway, I’m way over my word limit here. I do so hope you hung on to read this entire hideous offering of mine.


  If you didn’t, expect to be sued.

  Ya dig?

25 comments:

  1. What a lovely thing to wake up on a chilly Monday morning and realize you have been officially pimped...and pimped hard. You are the greatest. Thank goodness I have half naked women on my post today...something to really keep the new readers who stop by around. Haha. I thank you very much for the award back and will resist the vicious circle of re-posting but an honored. :) Now to check out some of the other people you gave it to that I don't already follow.

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  2. Why thank you - I am suitably humbled, appreciative, flattered and my ego has swollen to the size of a small country...
    Ps knackered means tired....or bollocks.

    Stay away from the waffles.

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  3. Congratulations on the award buddy, it's much deserved. I'll have to check out all of these blogs you've gave the award to on your recommendation as well, sounds like there might be some interesting posters in there.

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  4. Good choice of blogs, I follow all of these (I think). However baseball is not a proper sport.

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  5. I'll definitely check these out! :o)

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  6. Congratulations on the award! You are too funny, and it is only fitting to nominate blogs that make you laugh. Life is too short to be pooh poohing and not having a good time. I loved the bit about baseball the best. That is so true. :)

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  7. Your take on baseball had me roaring with laughter haha.

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  8. So... is there a Wordpresser of note?

    Congrats on the award! Consider yourself dug.

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  9. Congrats on the award. I will have to check the winners out.
    I don't care about Christmas light colors. As long as they don't blink. Those, I hate, So bad.

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  10. So why are they called Arabic numerals when they aren't even...well, Arabic looking? It's always nice when someone recognizes how much they love your blog. And I agree with her. I totally dig your blog. I, too, like colorful lights, yet I only put up the white ones...hmmmm...

    You must be thrilled that the Phils are in the playoffs again, huh?

    BTW, I'm Catholic, too. No guilt though. I just don't care or attend mass anymore!

    Thanks for sharing your bits and blog friends!

    And thanks, once again, for mentioning my blog!!

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  11. couldn't get my stupid computer to post my stupid comments!! tried several time to comment on your rosh hashanah blog (as i'm sure it was meant specially for me :p) but it wouldn't work, blast!!
    anyway, all is well now. and it's totally true about the maple candy stanley cups throwing. you just forgot to add that the moose is wearing a tuque.

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  12. I'll definitely check these out :P
    nice post

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  13. al, i love that you keep awarding me even though i haven't gotten around to doing anything with the awards in ages. guess that means that i blog-suck or you're just appreciative of a woman who doesn't give much back. either way, i thank you & i like you.
    also, i think you want to move to north carolina because that's where i live. we could have barbeque's together with the fams, but only if you'll chef me up some tofu patties.

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  14. Oh Al, you make me blush. Thank you. I love you.
    PS Where'd you get that picture of my ex-boyfriend?
    xoRobyn

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  15. You are ALWAYS lavishing me with praise and adoration.

    Thank you, thank you, and I'll never get tired of it.

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  16. @Jewels: Nothing better than a cold morning after a crappy weekend.
    @Dirty: Knackered. Oh, crap. The Brits and Yanks: two people separated by a common language.
    @Yeamie: They keep me laughing (well, them and my prom pictures).
    @Tony: Rounders with hats. Still like that.
    @Deborah: Thanks!
    @Laila: Sometimes I watch baseball. Most times baseball watches me.
    @Sub-Radar-Mike: It's the perfect way for middle age dudes to while away summer afternoons. Oh, who am I kidding? It ain't bad for early fall afternoons, too.
    @Lost: Didn't they use a Wordpresser for authors accused of being witches during the Salem witch trials?
    @Ruth: I FORGOT about the blinky ones. I really despise those, too
    @Nancy: I use to be a practicing Catholic. Then I got good at it. Even though I think the Phillies are the best team in baseball, they're not my favorite team. They SHOULD win it all, though.
    @manders: I was going to but I forgot how to spell "tuque" (seriously).
    @Damon: Thanks.
    @Sherilin: But, then there would be beer involved. Hmmm...this would not be a bad thing. I really love North Carolina, though. Even if there's tofu.
    @Robyn: Which one? Asian? Black? Or Mullet?
    @Lemons: You deserve it.

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  17. beer isn't a problem for me. well, except that one time when i had too many in the barracks with the soldier boys.....

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  18. Congrats Al - man, you are one serious loved dude! (what ’ave you got on all these nice folks giving you Awards...must be juice stuff, eh?)

    Nah, seriously though - you deserve each and every award...you do!

    And...passing them on, so generously, well...you are just the best!

    I’m serious, really I am...me I just hoard them...lock them up in my Awards vault - never let them out, just me and my awards; it’s a sickness Al and I’m thinking I might have to seek help!

    I’m thinking of doing a purge...you know, like those hoarder shows - I’m going to need some intervention - you think you might be up to the task...hmm? If not, it’s okay, I’ll just keep hoarding (said gleefully while rubbing hands together) - I’m licking the envelope, cheques in the mail Al...just keep those awards coming.

    Cheers to you, dear Al - from ME, your Awards junkie pal, up here in Gretzky country, where we throw beavers, covered in moose droppings, at Canadian geese dressed like Celine Dion - just so you know for sure, since you had your doubts up there in your post!

    ME = Jenny - the ruler of PEARSON REPORT!

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  19. Yours is certainly a diggable blog. I haven't heard of most of those blogs that you mentioned. I guess I need to do some exploring in the blogosphere (that word is kind of annoying isn't it).


    Lee
    Tossing It Out

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  20. @Sherilin: I remember that story. Just goes to show you can't trust your buddies.
    @Jenny: Whew! When you said 'purge' I thought you meant 'hurl.' And we've got Canadian Geese all over the place here. They're not sooooo bad (with the exception of their ubiquitous droppings). But, they can be quite annoying with their walking about saying "Eh?" all the time.
    @Arlee: They're worth a look.

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  21. Al, the fat one. Not sure which categories of those you mentioned (Asian, Black, mullet), probably all of them. PS Is that even a man?
    xoRobyn

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  22. 1. First I thought you actually managed to dig something up in your backyard.
    2. Congratulations on being dug. (Sounds weird)
    3. More blogs to check out.
    4. Thanks for telling people that my blog causes headaches. Please don't sue me.

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  23. @Robyn: I hope that's a man. If not, that's one ugly broad. Who should be wearing a bra. Come to think of it...if it IS a man, he should be wearing a bra, too.
    @AC: It's all about shaking the cobwebs from my mind. I cant spend my whole life watching Sponge Bob.

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  24. Congrats, I just found you through the award.

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  25. @Allen: I'll be checking out your blog, as well.

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