Sunday, October 16, 2011

Take Ten With Al

I Write, Therefore I Don't Have To Take Out the Garbage

  I love it when topics just pop into my head.
  When asked from what source I derive my ideas (please note my skillful use of proper English grammar.  The nuns at Saint Stanislaus, who taught me to write gooder than most Protestants, would be so proud), I reply, “Most of the time, I just get them from life.  For instance, how do you know I’m not coming up with a story right now?”
  Mom usually leaves me alone at that point.
  So it was when I read a post from Jenny of the Pearson Report. 
  Jenny was responding to ten questions she found on Micael Chadwick’s blog (yes, that’s not a typo-I checked) which is entitled Micael Chadwick.  (hey, no sense coming up with something hysterically clever.  Like Penwasser Place).
  By the way (NOTE: Unsolicited “blog pimping” ahead), Jenny, besides having the good fortune of living hours away from New Jersey, writes a smashing (NOTE: British for “bloody good”) blog.  Her wry comments on life are always entertaining and she gives good comments (not as dirty as it sounds).  Plus, her blog has pictures of mermaids.  You could do a lot worse than read the Pearson Report.  Like visit Penwasser Place.
  I don’t know if you’re like me (no, I don’t mean you’re a little gray-haired dude given to sitting on curbside toilets).  Whenever I see a link to someone else’s blog, I usually click on it to see if it looks interesting.  If it does, I’ll read it and will even leave a comment to show that I’ve been there.  It’s easy to do and you may find someone who shares your views on life.
What do you mean,
it's not that kind of cereal?
  Or you may find a serial killer.  So, beware.
  What I’m saying is, visit Jenny and Micael.  And let ‘em know Al sent you.  At least they’ll know who to blame.  Go ahead, I’ll wait...........
  Everyone back?  Great!
  Anyway.....although Jenny didn’t ask anyone specific to provide any answers, I took it upon myself to do so.  That way, I can save my posts on bathroom fixtures, hemorrhoid surgery, and Zachary Taylor for another day.
Marcel Proust
Noted Dead French Guy
  Like I said, Jenny was inspired by Micael.  Micael’s motivation came from Inside the Actor’s Studio with James Lipton.  James gives credit for these questions to French talk show host, Bernard Pivot.  Pivot got his idea from a list originally developed by Marcel Proust way back in the 19th century.  I think.  Well, a long time ago, anyway.  Proust admitted (since he’s dead, I have to take Bernard’s word for it) that the original author is unknown.
  Confused?  Let’s just put it this way: it’s a French thing.
  The idea is to record your responses to these questions and come check a year later to see if anything has changed.  This sounds fantastic.  I can only imagine what my answers would have been when I was a teenager.  Most of them probably would have involved getting into some girl’s knickers, though.
  So, without further adieu (there’s that French thing again), here are my responses (NOTE:  Ego Trip ahead) because that’s what you were all waiting for anyway.
  1.  What is your favorite word?  ‘Hobo’, although I don’t know why.  But, I do have a nice collection of cans and I like to ride freight trains.
They may not have had iPods,
but they sure could carry some fruit.

  2.  What is your least favorite word?  Priapism.  Because sometimes a lot of a good thing isn’t necessarily...a good thing.
  3.  What turns you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally?
I just can’t get past “spiritually.”  Does that mean I’m supposed to have a boner in church?
  4.  What turns you off?  Naked pictures of Chaz Bono.
  5.  What is your favorite curse word?  Frikkin’.”  You’re damn right.
  6.  What sound or noise do you love?  The peaceful, contented sighs of a physically satisfied woman.
  7.  What sound or noise do you hate?  I hate that I never hear that.
  8.  What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?  2nd baseman for the Yankees.  Failing that, I’d like to be Joan Rivers’ plastic surgeon.  I’d never be out of work.
  9.  What profession would you not like to do?  It’s a tie between Al Qaeda Vest Tester and Michael Moore’s personal trainer.  
Seriously, I only have one
bowl of lard for breakfast
 10.  If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?  “What took you so long?”

  I compared my answers to Jenny’s and Micael’s.  Unfortunately, mine come up a little wanting, as their responses sound so much more educated than mine.  Still, mine do have a certain sophistication to them, with the possible exception of ‘boner.’  And ‘priapism.’
  But, hey, at least I didn’t say anything about knickers.



  1. Lmao, great post as usual buddy. You're right that your answers probably aren't as philosophical or whatever as the others I've read but they're pretty funny so that makes up for it. I'm tempted to have a try at answering these soon, the questions are pretty challenging to answer and I happen to love challenges.

  2. Alright I'll go and look at them now. I might do that quiz thing myself - except my answers to number one and five is the same word.

  3. What's the crack about the fact that Jenny lives far enough from New Jersey? Hmmm. I'm going to be visiting that lovely state on my way home from Connecticut. I'll get you a souvenir just for that one. haha. I took that Q&A exercise too. Can you tell I'm from Jersey by my answer about curse words? Good post Al.

  4. @Yeamie: Hobo really IS my favorite word. And I really DO hope that God says that to me.
    @dirty: Is it 'hobo' or 'frikkin'? I don't know why, but 'hobo' has always cracked me up.
    @Barb: I seriously wrote that crack about New Jersey hoping you'd read it. See, how you influence my blog? Have fun in Connecticut. I'm going there myself this coming weekend to have free food at my niece's wedding.

  5. Ok I am going over to have a look see at Jenny and Micael’s blogs now and I will tell them you sent me so remember you told me to tell them

    I love these anwsers and I also love this idea for a blog so I am pinching

  6. Good tip, checked out Jenny and Micael's blogs and I'm thoroughly impressed! Thanks Al. Also loved your dig at Joan Rivers haha.

  7. I'm going to check out those blogs. Your answers were entertaining, as your blog usually is!

  8. i knew i liked you for a reason. hobo makes it into my top 5 favorite words too!
    and i'll take your answers of intelligent & sophisticated any day.
    way to go, good buddy.

  9. Al, you seem to spend an inordinate amount of time writing about Chaz Bono.

  10. Dearest darling Al,

    I have decided to read between the lines and accept your proposal for a torrid cyber rock my nobby knees right down to my fallen arches - but, sweet loveable, adorable, potty trained Al...I see now, from your public display of affection...(be still my beating pacemaker) - that we are destined to live out our fantasies in public - will that be your blog or mine!

    I'm honoured to get such press! And all these lovelies you've sent my way are as precious as are my "precious" (said with just a hint of hobbit), right?

    Well, I really ought to lay of the sauce this late---my mind (what's left of it) is having a party on it's own and my fingers, well...just be glad I have spell check, or this would be a completely different comment.

    Cheers, Jenny
    The Other Woman!

  11. I'm willing to bet that a year from now, naked pictures of Chaz Bono might still be your number one turn off.

  12. I'll bet you'd be real fun at a party...the things you come up with. BTW: I mentioned you in my blog today. :)

  13. @Laila: Luckily, I've stopped wearing the lampshade at parties. But, I do insist on Karaoke show tunes.
    @Vinny C: It's either that or I go blind.
    @Jenny: Cyber's best. I'm so disappointing in person.
    @Ruth: Omigosh, you're right! Uh oh.
    @Sherilin: When I asked my son if it was weird to have a favorite word, he said no. His favorite word is "squeegee." Luckily, he's young. There's still hope for him.
    @Eva: I just started reading Micael. But, Jenny is the coolest.
    @Sub-Radar-Mike: I just hope my fixation with Joan doesn't become like the one with Chaz. Ruth may have stumbled onto something. I'm in need of an intervention.
    @Jo-Anne: I thought it was a great idea. I didn't know how I was ever going to use that picture of that Roman dude bearing fruit.

  14. Joan Rivers' plastic surgeon is like the engineer who keeps the Brooklyn Bridge up. I say a prayer for him every night and I hope you do too.

  15. That's true, because, if her face goes, it's gonna take a lot of people with it.

  16. Brilliant, as are Jenny and Micael. I adore them both.
    Did the questions myself. A lot of fun

  17. @Robyn: Actually, "laughing" IS the sound I normally hear.
    @Mynx: The questions are fun, aren't they?

  18. I like Lipton's questions. Micael is very talented.
    "Vest tester". Lol.

  19. great, you made me look up "priaprism" at work. i mean, um.... no, i'm not blogging at work... no, definitely not

  20. @AC: I am always impressed with the number of talented people on Blogger. Then, there's me.
    @Damon: Thanks!
    @manders: As a man of my gender, the very thought of being "Priapritic" (probably not a real word) makes me wince.

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