Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Seriously Cute Bloggers. Seriously.

Geez, they call THAT 'Doggy-Style'?

  Manzanita from Wanna Buy a Duck  sent me a picture of the most adorable little critter that needs to crap in the yard this side of the newspaper. 
(NOTE:  Real men don't normally use the word 'adorable.'  Sorry.  I think I'm having some aftereffects from my sexy pictures post last week.  I better go check out that picture of Scarlett Johansson again.  Hang on.....crap!!!!  I looked at Chaz Bono!  My eyes!!!!  Hold on....ahhh, okay, Scarlett, that's better).

  Now, where was I?  Oh, yeah, I am honored to report that she has designated me a "Seriously Cute Blogger."  Of course, this was sent out before the picture of me on the beach.  Manzanita, a little advice?  Get thee to an optometrist as fast as you can!  Your prescription needs a little tweaking.

  But...thank you all the same.

  Unlike other awards, the requirements which need to be followed are as easy as Linda Petrillo from the 9th grade.  All I need to do is provide a book review.  Which can't be of a cereal box.
Damn! And me leaving the water running!
  For my book report, I chose Under the Dome by Stephen King.  Not only is he my favorite author, he spells his first name with a 'ph,' not like those lazy buggers who only use 'v.'
  Proving once more that it's no use telling a story in over 1,000 words when 500 will do, Mr. King weaves a tale of a small town which loses its frikkin' mind after an impenetrable, yet transparent (so people from the outside can make fun of them), dome descends from out of nowhere one day.
  In the weeks which follow, the citizens of Chester's Mill, Maine (well, all except Chester.  He's in the state capital trying to get his named changed to something less "rural."  Like Jeb.) endure an array of horrors at the hands of a psycho politician and his insane minions (sorta like an Al Gore fundraiser).  There's mayhem, death, destruction, spoiled food, and necrophilia (which really isn't as sexy as it sounds.  Oops, did I say 'sexy?'  I meant 'gross.').
I said no creamed corn in the cafeteria!
  The story's ending is a little unbelievable, to tell you the truth.  But, then again, his other stories contain vampires, possessed cars, killer clowns, and Sissy Spacek as a telekinetic loner who wastes everyone at the Senior Prom.  So, okay, I guess Under the Dome is as realistic as any other.
  Of course, Mr. King peoples his story with a cast of stereotypical characters who mouth the type of inane saying which nobody ever says anymore.  Plus, he's a liberal which means he absolutely has to weave his political philosophies into the book which, despite all that, is a great read.
  To sum up (I know.  About time) I recommend Under the Dome.  If you enjoy tales of the macabre (NOTE:  I don't really talk like that), you could do a lot worse.  Like read the Monica Lewinsky story.
In case you didn't get the reference
  In other words, I don't normally read fiction.  But, when I do, I prefer Stephen King.  Stay thirsty, my friends.

  One of the other requirements for the Seriously Cute (or deformed.  I don't know which one I am) is to so designate a couple other bloggers.  They could be of the same sex, I suppose (not that there's anything wrong with that), but I've already treaded that road within the past week.  Therefore, I've decided to "tag" a couple of the ladies.
  What's more, I chose ladies who are farthest away from me.  The sheer distance between us would seem, to me, to be a guarantee that the "Seriously Cute Blogger" wouldn't be seen as some sort of cheap come-on.  I gave that kind of nonsense up during the Age of Disco (NOTE:  Didn't work then, either).
  So, without further adieu (NOTE: French for "dieu"), I hereby choose:
  Robyn from Life By Chocolate.  She really has a cool blog.  Her pictures of California and yearning for all things chocolate make visiting her site a daily treat (which doesn't give me cavities).
  Lemons Don't Make Lemonade.  Lemons has the great advantage of not only living on another continent, but being of an age that any come-on from me will immediately trigger the "Oh-God-Ick!!" alarm.  Look for her next blog, "Lemon Pledge Doesn't Make Lemonade.  It Makes Crappy Lemonade."  Okay, just kidding about that one.  But, I bet it would.

  Once more, thank you Manzanita!  
  Check's in the mail. 


  1. Congrats on the award buddy. Nice post as well, a Stephen who spells his name properly is a great guy regardless of whether he's a writer or not.

  2. That is a cute puppy. I love Stephen King. It, Insomnia and the Talisman are some of my favs.

  3. I was in the running for the award for a seriously mute blogger ….only they could not shut me up for long enough to award it to me….

    I thank you, I will be sacrificing more bad jokes later in the week

  4. Don't you feel a little bit nostalgic about Monica Lewinsky? She belonged to those simple, carefree days when all America had to worry about was who was blowing the president. I have a feeling that everything will be alright when she is in the limelight again.

  5. But...the Monica Lewinski story is SO INTERESTING!

  6. stePHen king is a talented dude. i don't read creepy stuff anymore, but i tend to hold a soft spot for him.

  7. His books and characters really are pretty much all the same with different monsters. But, I like his stuff (and don't mind that he's a Red Sox fan).

  8. There's a blog award at my place with your name on it...

    Well, under it. But it's yours anyway.

  9. There's a Monica Lewinsky story? I thought she sold purses?
    Congratulations on being so adorable!

  10. I have read most of Stephen King's books....He is awesome!
    Congrats on the award!

  11. Congratulations, Al.
    The last time I was cute, I actually was cute.
    Had to skip most of this, still haven't read the Dome, but it's on my list.

    The most interesting man in the world. Nice.

  12. That puppy is adorable. I don't always use the word adorable but when I do ...

  13. Cute dog should I say adorable mmmmmmm no I shouldn't but bloody hell it is to late I have alread said it........

    Congrats on the award they are always good........

  14. Nah...I'd say you're a pretty cute blogger.

    And I really enjoyed Under the Dome. It took me a long time to warm up to Stephen King, but I'm glad I did.


    I am so happy right now. When I saw your blog title, I was like, "He's going to fit in a compliment to me somewhere in this post. HE IS SO GOING TO."

    And you did.

    Also, I welcome all flirtation attempts from you. :D

  16. @Vinny: Thanks! I'll be working on it this weekend. When I take a break from whittling some friends.
    @Ruth: Believe it or not. But it comes in a plain brown wrapper for your privacy.
    @Eva: I started reading his books when I lived in Maine. It was pretty cool to recognize some of the local...uh...locales. My neighbor (or is that 'neighbah'?) went to Lisbon High School with him. She said he was kind of weird. Hmm...imagine that.
    @AC: It's long, but worth it. That's what she said.
    @anthony: Good one! The most interesting one-liner in the world.
    @Jo-Anne: No, no, you can say 'cute' AND 'adorable.' You're a girl of your gender.
    @Mama: Awww, thanks. I've pretty much read all of his books. Except the Dark Tower series. A friend of mine says they're really good.
    @Bones: Welcome to the club!
    @Lemons: Always a pleasure-you deserve it!

  17. @Yeamie: Those "v" Stephens really creep me out. Just like dudes named Francis, Terry, Dana, Courtney (believe it or not), Robin, Kim, Jesse, Tracey, Al......oops, never mind.
    @Barb: I loved 'It' until I found out what the creature was. You mean I read over 1,000 pages to find out about a killer spider?????? And a good guy frikkin' turtle???. Interestingly, it took me forever to read "Insomnia." I'd read it in bed and always fell asleep (no kidding).
    @BL: A Seriously Mute Blogger would work. This is a medium tailor-made for mimes.
    @Gorilla: Who'dve thought we'd get nostalgic for a stained dress?
    @Kid Shuffle: Especially if she swal.....oh, I just can't finish it. Gross.

  18. You are too much, Al - seriously adorable and witty too. I am honored and surprised (at the definition of "macrabe". I had to look it up). THANK YOU.

    I'm not a fiction fan either but Stephen King is a brilliant writer.

    Love ya. If I keep saying that, can I get out of having to read a book?

    Thanks again.

  19. @Damon: Thanks!
    @Robyn: Get the Cliff Notes version. You'll miss the necrophilia part, but that's probably best.

  20. Ha, I loved it, Al. And you are hilarious. That's one Stephen King book I have not read. I think every writer stick his own philosophy in their writing. Eh, as long as it's a good story, I don't care. :)

  21. @Dr. Heckle: Thanks! And I never fail to laugh at your blog.
    @Laila: So, you're a King Aficionado? My favorite was "Salem's Lot." His suckiest one (in my opinion) was "Tommyknockers" (I thought it was about a transgendered dude). The one which scared me the most was "Pet Sematary." As far as his politics/baseball fandom, I don't care. I just like to read his stuff.