NOTE ADDENDUM: I wonder how many of you will actually read all this first before scrolling down.
ADDENDUM TO THE NOTE ADDENDUM: Go ahead. I'll wait.
Having to work for a living has seriously put a crimp into time otherwise spent drinking coffee, watching Sportscenter, checking the mail, cheating at Yahtzee, trying to dig out that prize from the kids’ Lucky Charms, eating a bowl of Raisin Bran naked, immediately going to the bathroom (because I ate Raisin Bran... hello!), calling Mrs. Penwasser at work and asking how her day’s going, phoning 1-800-FLOWERS because Mrs. Penwasser was not amused, telling tele-marketers that my dad can’t come to the phone because he’s in jail, and surfing “You Tube” for investment advice (yeah, that’s what we’ll call it).
Plus, I got to read a whole ton of your blogs.
Unfortunately, since my name isn’t Trump, this life of sloth had to eventually come to an end. A couple weeks ago, I put on a pair of long pants and headed back to work. The money coming in is great (we can eat!), but I haven’t been able to spend as much time on Blogger as I’d like.
Which is a shame, because you are some talented writers. Whether it’s a tour of a New England eatery, a thought-provoking commentary on relationships, Asian sex toy pictorials, the price of gas in the Middle East, a travelogue of California, why New Jersey ain’t so bad, pictures of mermaids, writing advice, or anything Canadian (because you guys are much more than hockey and Celine Dion. There’s maple syrup, for instance).
From the Midwest to the UK to Down Under, you’ve all motivated me to write my very best (or something like this). I’m better for having “cyber” known you.
Anyway, Violet, from Gratuitous Violet's Blob (yes, that is not a typo. She calls it a ‘blob’) has honored me with the “Inspirational Blog Award.”
Which is ironic, because she and you all inspire me. But, hey, I’ll take it. Its butterfly picture will look cool on my blog.
In any event, you should check out her pretty cool site. Don’t let the imposing “Adult Content Warning” dissuade you, either. There’s nothing there you can’t handle. Hey, if my pictures of Chaz Bono don’t bother you, nothing Violet says will.
Part of the requirements for this award is to answer a series of eight questions. Violet chose to number hers “0-7.” I will use Roman Numerals.
The Romans won’t mind. They’re all dead, anyway (I mean ancient Romans, professor!).
I. What makes you laugh, smile, or giggle? Violet said “farts.” I say “farts.” Unless I do it during maritals. Then Mrs. Penwasser laughs. Nothing funny about that.
II. What are your dreams for the future? To wake up.
III. If you go on a cruise, where would it be and why? I’d go in the bathroom. Because I ate too much bran.
IV. How would you spend your vacation time and with whom? Naked. Definitely not with dudes. Or anyone who uses the word “whom.”
V. If given a chance, what life would you choose? Your life now or in the past? My life now. Fewer people beating me up. Especially girls.
VI. Is there something that you wished before when you were young but you didn’t get it? Math. I never got it.
VII. Have you been in a situation where you might have given up but still you chose to move on? I didn't come out of my room for days after “Joanie Loves Chiachi” was cancelled.
VIII. Is there someone in your life who has been your source of strength and inspiration? President Grover Cleveland because he proved that even fat guys can become president and get chicks.
And now what you’ve all been waiting for (no, not the sexy pictures. Keep your pants on): hoping to see your blog listed. So, let’s see some names!
Even though you all inspire me, it’s incumbent (NOTE: Not as dirty as it sounds) upon me to bestow the Beautiful Butterfly (in no certain order) to only a few. Such as:
My first Canadian Blogger friend, he taught me there’s more to life north of Detroit than North Detroit.
Robyn invited me to play in a Dating Game and showed me that I sucked when it came to chocolate knowledge.
Antares is one heckuva smart guy. He makes me think-that I’m really a knucklehead compared to him (or is that 'he'? See? Knucklehead). Plus, his blog has a swell picture of a galaxy thingie.
Yes, Mrs. E., I really do. And so will everyone who reads this.
Well, I’m getting perilously close to my personal 1,000 word limit (why do you think I break up my posts as often as I do?). Anything more than that and I’m afraid you’ll go play “Farmville” or get acquainted with your families.
To make up for it, here’s the sexy pictures I promised....
|"Arnie never calls. That bastard."|
Ooops, my bad. That’s from Governor Schwarzenegger’s Little Black Book O’ Hotties. How ‘bout this.....?
|That's what I'm I'm talking about. |
Yeah, she wouldn't give me the time of day, either.
And one for the ladies......
|My blog. My rules.|
And, finally, one for the ladies who are now men, but not really because everyone knows that that actually is a banana in your pocket and, besides, you ain’t foolin’ no one.
|"Hey, anyone catch the WNBA Finals?"|
Well, that’s it for me. See you in a couple days.
Gotta go to work.