Thursday, September 29, 2011

Happy New Year!

WARNING:  The following is a posting from a Gentile.  While written with the sincerest of intentions, its accuracy may not be  Wikipedia and Google can only do so much.  Thank you.  Enjoy.

Sometimes a horn is only a horn

   In other words, Happy Rosh Hashanah!
  For those of who haven't figured it out, Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year.  Okay, maybe if you live in a Branch Davidian compound, you don't know that it's the Jewish new year.
  But, it is.
  Celebrated each year (well, I would think that would be ridiculously obvious), Rosh Hashanah is the first of the Jewish High Holidays and takes place 10 days before Yom Kippur.
  Its actual timing depends a lot on the Jewish calendar, but I do know that it can't take place on certain days of the week.  Saturday, I'm pretty sure.  Maybe Wednesday, too.  Oh, hell, I didn't take notes when I Googled it.
  All I know is that it's bloody complicated trying to figure out when it is.  But, far be it from me to come off all high and mighty.  I have no idea when Easter is.  Either in March or April, it has something to do with a full moon after a weekend-or the beginning of Spring Training-in accordance with the Farmer's Almanac.  Or Magic 8 Ball.  One of those things.
  Let's put it this way:  it's 40 days-give or take-after Ash Wednesday (which I'm pretty sure is on a Wednesday).  Which is 41 days after Mardi Gras ("Okay, you don't have to go home, but you just gotta put your clothes back on!").
  Rosh Hashanah kicks off at sunset this year on September 28th and concludes with nightfall, September 30th (Sidebar, your honor? What's the frikkin' difference between 'sunset' and 'nightfall'?).  That works out to over 24 hours o' fun, which sounded odd to me, but, remember:  Google.  

  From what I gather, it kicks off with the ritual Shofar blowing.
When told how Rosh Hashanah
actually starts,
Adam Shofar muttered, "Aw, crap!"
  Now, at first I wondered why a guy named Shofar got to have all the fun.  But, then I read further and realized a "shofar" is actually a horn from an animal.  Which can't be a cow...?  Or a dog (mostly because dogs don't have horns).  Or a chicken (because that would just be silly.  And they don't have horns, either).
  A ram is the animal of choice, I think.  Which would explain all the one-horned rams at the bargain petting zoo.
  In any case, I wish all of you a Happy Rosh Hashanah.  Whether you're Jewish or not, we all could use a holiday.  Have you seen the price of gas lately??
  After all, we only have a little over two weeks before Canadian Thanksgiving.


  1. Duh! I did not know that and I don't live in the Branch Davidian compound. I'm going now to see if I can find a horn to blow.

  2. @Bones: Thanks!
    @Eva: I think it's pretty cool. And not only because I have the day off from work. Yep-STILL in my Homer Simpson jammies and drinking a cup of coffee. Won't even shave today. My face, not my legs. Which is not to say I ordinarily shave my legs.

  3. thank you for that educational-ish post. that may or may not have been about jewish holidays, but i'm pretty sure there was something horny in there.

  4. I've known about this, and been celebrating it since around two years ago! I'm not Jewish, but why not join in the fun?

  5. @Sherilin: I do feel sorry for that Shofar guy.
    @neatfit: I couldn't agree more.

  6. Oh Al, Mrs. Pennwasser is such a lucky lady! You're priceless!!

  7. Yes, the blowing of the ram's horn is definitely an ancient Jewish thing, along with smiting hip-and-thigh. Have you ever seen a hip-and-thigh smiting?

  8. Now you've got me stoked for (Canadian) Thanksgiving!

  9. Mazel Tov, Al. This was the funniest Rosh Hashanah post I've seen in all of my peeps' 5772 years. (Psst, blowing the shofar has never appealled to me.)
    Happy New Year!

  10. Hmmm Ever since I wrote that post about the goat I keep seeing references to them everywhere.
    And none of them seem to end well for the goat.

    The quarter of me that is Jewish ( I think it's my right leg and bum cheek) thanks you :)

  11. I didnt know but it really isnt a big thing here.
    It is however the Labour Day weekend here and we get Monday off which is pretty wonderful I think

  12. Ash Wednesday is 41 days after Mardi Gras?! See? I learned something new today, and I didn't even have to google it! Thanks Al!

  13. @Nancy: Thanks! And sometimes I even put the seat down!
    @Gorilla: On Saturday nights after NASCAR.
    @Kid: The ritual "Placing of the Wool Cap on the Turkey" followed by naked ice hockey is breathtaking!
    @Robyn: I know. Seems like it was only 5770 yesterday, huh? Ah, memories.
    @Mynx: You can't beat those 3-day weekends (or your kids) with a stick, huh?
    @Kara: Easter is 41 days after Mardi Gras. Or 40 days after the hangovers wear off. Whichever works.
    @dirtycowgirl: Goats ain't so baddddddddddd.
    @Damon: I hope I got most everything correct. It's hard being a goyim. Or is that gollum? Well, one of those things.