Friday, September 16, 2011

Don't Say I Never Promised

You know you want me, ladies.
You may thank your friend, Al.
Can't believe I just wrote that. I feel so unclean.

  Because they delayed gratification by reading my last post, "Inspiration" (or they lied. Hey, who can really know here?), I've decided to reward JenniferJennyDirty Cowgirl (may I call you "Dirty"?), and Mynx.
  Never let it be said that I'm not a man of my word (well, except for that "death till you part" thing with with Mrs. Penwasser I).  At great personal risk to my reputation as an International Man of Mystery-Dwarf Division, I've surfed the 'net for pictures of what-I think-are sexy pictures of dudes.  I just hope the Gender Police don't show up on my doorstep demanding surrender of my Guy Card.
  Even though I've only identified the four ladies above (if those are, in fact, their real names), I'm sure there are plenty more of you out there who'd enjoy a peek.
  If nothing else, it gives me something to write about.  I do have a couple posts I'll be writing soon about: fingers, bathroom devices, and colonic advantages of bran.  Plus, I owe some patient people award acknowledgements.  Please don't send someone to break my legs.  I promise I'll get to them (there's that promise thing again).
  I can say this for myself.  Even though I'm not titillated (hee...hee...hee. I said 'titillated'), I will put the extra cupcake down and do a few crunches.  My six pack is starting to look like a twelve-pack of juice boxes (NOTE:  I never had a six-pack.  I lied.  Sue me.)
Thousands of screaming Persians with swords, hundreds of stampeding war elephants, and an effeminate psycho emperor bent on world domination. Hey, what say we take off our shirts and strip down to our underwear? We may not win, but we'll look wicked buff.
Apparently, some consider him sexy.
Definitely Angie.  Could be Jennifer.
Probably Chaz.  Or not. Who knows?

OK, I may not be the best judge of the male physique.  But, I hear he has a great personality.  Oh, check that. I meant flippers.

  Now before my skin crawls right off my body, I just had to post a picture of  someone who would be more appealing to the brawnier members (hee...hee...hee...I said 'member') of our society (and Chaz.  Seriously, who the F knows?).  This will be a "thank you" to those gentlemen who decided to stick it out (hee...hee...hee...I said 'stick it out') and read this post, despite its decidedly Playgirl-style cheesecakery (NOTE:  NOT a real word).  
You're welcome.


  1. Is it OK that she's on my list too... not as high up as Gerard Butler though, I'll admit ;)

  2. Well thanks, and yes you may.
    A lot of men have but that's another story.

    The only thing missing from this post is Vin.

  3. After filling the eyes with candy fluff, I'm going to concentrate on Mark Steyn, the hunkiest of the hunks. Maybe it's his voice.

  4. All this post needs to make it complete is an audio playback of 'YMCA' by Village People. Speaking of which, I heard a story that the US Navy considered making 'In the Navy' their recruitment song until they found out what the band was really about.

  5. Penguin is so sexy, gotta love a man who constantly reeks of fish.

  6. I didn't see Arnold Stang photo there, so I doubt you are serious about classic hunks. That's okay, I can't wait for the colonic advantages blog. I hope you highlight psyillium. I guess we'll have to wait and see.

  7. i go on vacation & come back to this. i like your cheesecakery, al. good choices except for that gross dude at the end. even the chickadee is yummy.

  8. Who are you and what did you do with Al?

  9. @Lady E: It may be a double standard on my part, but, sure, that's great. It helps that she doesn't look like Helen Thomas.
    @Dirty: I didn't think of Vin. But, then again, it's probably good that hot guys don't automatically jump to my mind.
    @Manzanita: You can always close your eyes.
    @Gorilla Bananas: The Navy did. Egg on their faces. The New York Yankees use it when a handful of sweaty men (naturally) groom the infield between innings. This is when I go get a beer.
    @Sub-Radar-Mike: Plus, he adhered to a rigorous dental hygiene regimen.
    @George: That's what I thought. I felt cleansed.
    @Anthony: Not having it would be plain psyillium.
    @Sherilin: Welcome back, we missed you. You get a mention in a post tomorrow (this is known in the "biz" as a "tease"). Don't get too excited, though. It's a rerun.
    @AC: I took a hot shower and scrubbed all the nasty mens stuff away. And erased my browsing history.

  10. I must be strange as now of those men really appeal to me not ever Brad as I don't think Brad is all that hot yes I know I am a strange woman.......

  11. That first man - Oh yes. Thank you, Al. Thank you kindly. Brad Pitt? Not so much. He used to be cute before he left Jennifer and started looking like a werewolf.

  12. Oooh, thanks Al! Just what I needed to make this crappy week a bit better! I knew I could depend on you to cheer me up!

  13. Nice post. Last one is definitely the best lol, thanks for that.

  14. @Robyn: You're welcome. I thought that about Brad, too. Then again, I never thought of him as sexy. And I gotta think that's good that I don't think of ANY man as sexy.
    @Nancy: Anytime, Nancy, anytime. When life turns crappy, be consoled with the fact that it could be worse. You could be me.
    @Yeamie: I'm with you. I just looked at that last picture. MY GOD, she's breathtaking! Good thing for Mrs. Penwasser I'm going out of town.

    Okay, that's it, folks, I'm off to Connecticut where I'll probably gamble too much, drink too much, and eat too much. But, it's Phil's 50th and me, Karen, Gary, and another brother who has yet to make an appearance in "Once Upon a Time" are going to make sure he has a great time. See you in a couple.

  15. Brad is the one. Why, if I were 40 years younger, I'd be challenging Angelina for long as all those kids weren't part of the package!

  16. thanks for throwing that last photo in, now I feel better about myself...

  17. Letting your "feminine" Playgirl side out to play with "the girls" (that would be the four aforementioned chickets) a very macho (YMCA) kinda thing to do.

    And brave...but then you were a Navy guy...brave just comes with the territory, right?!

    And "high fives" to you mind sharing Brad after you've taken Angie to the mats...I'll make the arrangements for the kid to join the Navy - hey Al, any connections there?

    Cheers, Jenny (yup, that's a "real" name)

  18. @Eva: Funny you should say that. As my brothers and I were passing all the local talent in the casino Saturday, we said to each other, "Boy, if I was 40 years younger." Now we're just dogs chasing cars.
    @Pat: I know, huh? And I repeat: she is breathtaking.
    @Jenny: I was bravest when I was eating ship food. I'm sure I have no connections anymore. When I was in the Navy, I was a big wheel (NOTE: NOT to be confused with a child's plastic tricycle). Now? I just chase squirrels around the yard in my robe.