While on vacation to the Dominican Republic (whose national motto is, "We May Be Poor But At Least We Aren't Haiti") my goal was to find a piece of indigenous artwork (well that, and to try every "Drink of the Day" the resort offered). That way, I could rub my friends' noses into the fact I went to the Caribbean while they were lucky to afford a day trip to the Jersey Shore Chest Hair Museum.
Try as I might, I couldn't find a painting of Arawak dogs playing poker. And, I really don't think that was Montezuma's finger-painting of ponies and balloons (because everybody knows Montezuma was an Apache).
So, I had to settle on getting a tee shirt (which, by the way, was "Hecho En Vietnam"). I consoled myself with the fact that, while it wasn't a pricey objet d'arte (especially since the Dominicans didn't speak French), I could proudly wear it to truck pulls, pig roasts, and baptisms.
However, as I examined it more closely, I got the impression it was an example of pre-Columbian porn. Notice that the two dudes on either end don't look very happy while the guy in the middle looks pleased as punch. In fact, the guy on the left looks downright pissed off.
At first, I thought that it had to do with the fact that the fellas on both ends have these wonky legs. One is as bowlegged as John Wayne riding Roseanne Barr (NOTE: I realize the Duke is dead, so being bowlegged is the least of his problems. Work with me) while the other one sports a pair which would work as well as Slinkies at a speedwalking competition.
But, after closer scrutiny of the three, it occurred to me:
Even though the man in the middle has no arms, he's the only one with a penis.
And I'll take that over speedwalking any day.