Thursday, July 28, 2011

Signs You're At a Swankier Place Than You Deserve

Chocolates on my pillow.  Pillow.

I ate Mrs. Penwasser's before she noticed.

Rose petals around the sink.
These actually were more annoying than they were worth.

Of course, as you'll notice in the upper left corner of the picture, the room did have one of those hotel razors (you know, the one which nicks your face so much you look like a refugee from a Wes Craven movie).

More frikkin' rose petals.

I think the hotel gets a deal from a guy.
Who also sells coke.
And coke-related products.

Yeah.  No kidding.  I felt like Hugh Hefner.

Except that the 20 year-old girls thought I was gross.

So, it is about the money.

I am soooo disillusioned.

I stole the slippers, though.  Just let 'em try and find me.

The place even marked dangerous areas.

Too bad I didn't understand Spanish, though. I broke through and fell to the center of the Earth.  Those damn dinosaurs can be so cranky.

Of course, pillow candies, rose petals, and slippers notwithstanding, some people took the All-You-Can-Eat shrimpfest and All-You-Can-Drink Rum Runners to extremes.

Next: More on "How I Spent My Summer Vacation."


  1. When I first read about the rose petals on a sink, I was tempted to ask if you were gay, but after reading your blog comment, I suppose not.


  2. Those definitely were posh digs! Shame on you for eating the Mrs.' chocolate! that would be grounds for divorce at my house!

  3. I love how you ate her chocolate before she even knew it was there. That sounds exactly like something I would do.

  4. Looks like SOMEONE had one too many pillow choccies...

    Or, you know, like fifty thousand... but who's counting??

  5. @Lemons: Funny you should say that. When I first saw them, I complained to my wife, "Oh, this is sooo gay." Not that there's anything wrong with that.
    @Eva: She didn't know. I just complained that we were staying in a 'dump.'
    @OT: To the fastest goes the chocolate. Or something like that.
    @Lost: Hmmmmm.....chocolate. And shrimp. And little fruity drinkies with umbrellas. Then falling asleep on the beach.

  6. Of course I agree with Eva.
    Yeah, that last dude had one (or a thousand) too many jumbo shrimp.
    Welcome home.

  7. The Mrs is too smart to not know a hotel who lays our robes and slippers...not to mention rose petals...offers chocolates. Plus I am sure she could smell your betrayal on your breath. You are an evil man indeed for stealing a woman's chocolate! ;)

    Looks like a great place to spend some time.

  8. i'm going on vaca with you guys next time. you'll hardly even notice me cuz i'll dress up in a maid uniform & perform services, but i'm totally eating those candies. and if i lay next to that guy on the beach, i'll look super thin & in shape.

  9. Never a dull moment at your place, Al. Always leave with a hearty chuckle. Thanks, as always!

  10. Places like this are so awesome. They remind us how piss poor we really are at home. Thanks for the beached whale pic. I was eating when I saw it and now I've no more lunch! haha

  11. damn right you took the slippers! sweeeeeet :)

  12. We have pictures from our vacation with a similar "beached whale" in the background!

  13. Surely rose petals constitute litter? Not that swanky after all. Did you bump into Doug McClure at the centre of the earth?

  14. Petals? Those are common expensive hotel sting-rays. Dude. Be careful.

  15. @Robyn: Yeah, he even took mine.
    @Jewels: That and my chocolaty teeth.
    @Sherilin: Plus, if you lay next to that guy, think of the shade!
    @Nancy: It was amazing they even let me into their country.
    @Sub-Radar-Mike: But, plenty to drink.
    @Barb: To tell you the truth, I felt uncomfortably like a rich white gringo. It seriously wasn't a good feeling. But, the place WAS awesome.
    @Manders: And I didn't declare them at Customs, neither!
    @Leslie: I think fat guys on the beach are like seaweed, horseshoe crabs, seashells, and cigarette butts. Except horseshoe crabs don't wear speedos.
    @Tony: You know, I thought the very same thing when they scattered those frikkin' rose petals at the wedding (NOTE: not mine). I complained, "Now, WHO'S gonna pick that crap up?? Not me. I'm goin' drinkin'!"
    @dbs: That would explain the "Swimming With Rose Petals" excursion.

  16. Holy Hell! Is that guy in the last picture actually holding up the beach umbrella???

  17. I think he's making his girlfriend chase him.

  18. Thanks for that last photo, Al, hahaha. I bet you could hold your own in any shrimpfest and rum runner pig out.

  19. I wonder how many people tried rolling that guy into the water.

  20. If I was your missus and you ate my choccies, you would probably end up with a slipper up your whatsits.

  21. @Clipped: I was actually hiding behind that guy's belly. Me and a family from Tuscon.
    @Ruth: So THAT explains why PETA was there.
    @Mynx: Then I guess we could give the remaining slipper to that one-legged guy.

  22. You crack me up but it's a crime to eat someone's chocolate. Safer to eat the rosebuds.


  23. That was way too hilarious. Great way to start my day. Rose petals--what kind of hotel was that anyway? I've never yet encountered rose petals. Of course, I've always had to bring my own slipper too.

    Tossing It Out

  24. @Manzanita: Downside-they're not chocolate. Upside-you'll have lovely floral-scented breath.
    @Arlee: We were at the Dreams Resort in Punta Cana (that's what they brochure said anyway) in the Dominican Republic. I think it means "Cane Point." Or "Way Too Many Frikkin' Flowers, Give 'Em to the Gringos."