Thursday, July 21, 2011

Mi Zapato Con Queso En La Republica Dominicana (I Think)

  Gonna disappear for a few days.  That's right, me and the family are going to take a respite:  my wife from work and me and the kids from sleeping in late.  We've been invited to a destination wedding in the Dominican Republic (you ever notice that destination weddings are never held in Camden, New Jersey?)  NOTE:  Barb, that is my weekly, gratuitous jab at New Jersey.  A state don't live.  Which I think pretty much says it all about the alleged "Garden State."

  Destination Weddings are fantastic.  You get to invite a TON of people, most of whom you probably don't know or even like, but you have to because they're friends (or boss) of your parents.  But-here's the beauty part-most of them can't come because it's too far or their passport has been revoked ("Hey, I didn't know that goat was Al Qaeda!!").  Still, they have the decency to send a gift (preferably money).

  Hopefully, the soon-to-be bride and groom are happy we're coming, even though we're just friends of their parents.  But, hey, I couldn't miss a chance to get molested by the TSA pay over four grand to go to the Caribbean in late-July (where it will be as hot as the friggin' sun.  Or Miami.).  There will be open bars, massive buffets, swim-up cocktail lounges, chocolate fountains, in-room mini bars, lobster tails left on my pillow, all-you-can-drink prayer breakfasts, and jogging trails.

  Don't worry, though.  While I'm swimming in the Pina Colada Lap Swimming Pool, I'll make sure that I have a couple posts right here at Penwasser Place for your reading enjoyment.  Of course, they will be repeats.  What do you expect?  Original material while I'm lying (face down) at the nude beach???

  For those of you who may want to rob me while I'm gone, we have a housesitter, my dog isn't coming (screw him. I stepped in dog crap on my way to the pool yesterday), and the Philadelphia Mob is holding their annual Fish-Fry and Garroting Retreat at my place (hey, they paid cash. In unmarked, non-sequential bills.  Don't judge me).

  See you when I get back!

Hasta proxima semana!
Su amigo viejo,

Oh, one other thing.  If you don't see another post from me (beyond the second "repeat"), that means there was probably some sort of coup in the Dominican Republic and I'm being held as some sort of international sex slave (no accounting for taste).  If that's the case, I'll get back to you as soon as I can.  As soon as I wash up.


  1. Don't forget to go to the wedding while you are there.

  2. Personally, I would like new material written while youre nude on the beach. Face down. Get on that, would ya? ;)

  3. I'm just surprised someone invited you to a wedding! lol Have a wonderful time!

  4. Good luck keeping it face down at a nude beach. Possible innuendo intended.

  5. Al...You can take the girl out of Jersey but you can't take the Jersey out of the girl. Good thing you acknowledged that bit about good ol' NJ. My family is all there. Maybe that's why I left in 1988? haha Have a blast and safe trip.

  6. Have a great time and drink heavily for me.

  7. I'm very jealous.
    England it seems has already had summer. Two days last month.

    Have fun :)

  8. Have a wonderful time. We will miss you.

  9. I think that you should go through the TSA search at the airport with all of the gear in the photo! Have a great time, enjoy the beaches and take pictures of it all!

  10. Al your such a dreamer. When you get there they are going to force you into a cigar rolling concentration camp where you roll cigars all day and the beach is actually a trough urinal with cigarette butts in it and the only nude you'll be is when they hose you down with a firetruck at the end of the day to make sure your not smuggling cigars out of country. Hey have fun though I hear the music is great. PS can you at least try to bring me back a couple cigars?

  11. You know you'll love it there. Have a good time.

  12. You ALWAYS make me laugh! Thanks for that, Al. Have a safe trip.