For some reason, our wives and daughters don't want to go.
Still, I thought I should let you know how it went on the vacation I just returned from (sorry about my egregious use of a preposition at the end of a sentence). Spending thousands of dollars I didn't have (I just voted to raise my family's debt ceiling so it's all good), we spent five wonderful days in a beautiful foreign country (don't worry, Camden, next year the Penwasser family's coming your way!).
Oh, yeah, it was the Dominican Republic. Which, surprisingly, wasn't founded by a religious order. Or Republicans. Weird.
|Just before a whompin' monsoon. |
No problem, though. This was taken from a bar.
As those of you who are regular visitors to Penwasser Place, you know we attended what is commonly known as a "Destination Wedding" (for some reason, the destinations for these excursions never include the Amish Country. Or New Jersey).
It was a fantastic time, not lessened in the least by widespread bouts of gastrointestinal distress and an unconfirmed report that the groom peed in the pool. Hey, it couldn't have been worse than that floating "nose oyster" which drifted by me as I lifted a glass of my favorite beverage (my favorite beverage being all of them). No problem, though. I scooped it up in someone's unattended glass.
Seriously, though, who thinks it's okay to hawk up a loogey in a swimming pool?
I've been to quite a lot of places in my time
|La Playa. |
Spanish for "We Bring Your Drinks To You"
Luckily, I was able to use the Spanish gleaned from four years of high school and three episodes of CSI: Miami. I never had my drink or food order mixed up and I was able to successfully locate beach towels. But, I think I'm engaged to one of the housekeepers.Even Mrs. Penwasser, correctly deducing her one year of high school German was as useless as Mel Gibson at a bris, picked up a few phrases of Spanish. With her deft use of "Uno mas," "Gracias," and "Ola!" she'd be confused with Ricky Ricardo in drag. If he wasn't dead.
I will admit to feeling a little uncomfortable, though. Even though I very often don't have enough money to pay attention, I'm Donald Trump compared to some of the people we saw. There is crushing poverty outside the gates of the resort. Plus, sharing the same island with Haiti can't be that swell of a deal, either.
By the time we left last Monday, I was really pretty tired of being waited on. I'm really not the type of person who gets off on someone constantly at my beck and call. Leave that kind of stuff to Paris Hilton.
|These were the cheap seats|
Okay, I'm tired of writing. How about a few more pictures?
The outside of our room. I wanted to take a picture of the inside, but Mrs. Penwasser refused to let me. Apparently, she was embarrassed that her bra was hanging from the ceiling fan. No, that's not exactly true. It was my boxers.
Surprisingly, the pinkish phallus-looking object in the lower left corner of the picture is not a Dominican fertility symbol, but a light.
Boy, how red-faced was I when I was told by one of the staff to stop humping it.
Good thing I knew Spanish.
For those of you who are products of the Detroit School System (I can't make fun of New Jersey anymore. For now), these are flamingos. Contrary to popular belief, they are not pink due to a diet rich in rich in shrimp. Rather, their color is due to massive ingestion of rose petals. (NOTE: Not true).
Interesting Fact O' Nature: Flamingos are the only indigenous animals who cannot kill you. Even the cute little salamanders grow up to be dinosaurs.
(NOTE: That is totally not true. Good thing you don't read this crap to get an education).
Our final day, this is the front entrance. Luckily, you can't see the machine-gun nests (NOTE: It's getting to where you can't trust a single word I say, huh?).
There are mountains in the background, but you can't see them because of the fog (NOTE: This is true).
You can also see me tying my shoe in the lower right corner of the picture. I've been taking pictures like this since 1979, but I don't know why.
Starting sometime next week, I'll start sharing them. Rome, Paris, Venice, the Suez Canal....don't ask me why. I just did it.
That's it for now. It's after midnight, but I wanted to give my summer report before I start shoveling snow. It's late and I need to go to bed. Because tomorrow.....
A camping I will go.