Anyway, I was surrounded during this marathon by seeming thousands of squealing little girls, shrieking harpy moms, and emasculated fathers wearing "Dancer Dad" tee shirts. Unfortunately, I was called upon on a number of occasions to hold my wife's purse.
So, as not to appear to be a eunuch girly-man, I determined there is a proper way to hold your beloved's (or wife's) handbag. And a myriad of IMproper ways.
As a public service, I decided to share this knowledge with you.
Okay, this is the worst possible technique to hang on to your wife/girlfriend/significant other/blow-up doll's bag. Guys: NEVER shoulder a shoulder bag. To do so makes you look effeminate....or at least someone who likes Judy Garland records. Never mind that she's dead. Unless that's the look you're going for. Effeminate, not dead.
Even though I was taking this picture in the spirit of "Guy Rules" science, I still had quite the sour look on my puss, didn't I (yes, I said "puss." Hee hee)?
Also, please note the absolutely hideous turkey twaddle looking neck I have. Sheesh, what a cryptkeeper.
Grandma? Oh, my God, 'nuff said.
At least it matches my shirt and my watch.
And (as I'm sure some of you guys are saying), my skirt.
Please keep in mind that I'm doing this for YOU.
All right, this is it. The ONLY acceptable way to be seen "holding the bag" (as it were). Please note the death grip I have on the straps. It's also important to sport a "Please Shoot Me" look on your face as you gaze helplessly on everyone who's around you. And to get rid of the 50 pound tampon-carrying satchel as soon as possible.
Have a nice weekend. Try to leave the purses at home.