I love my cell phone camera. Well, I don’t exactly love it. My fetishes usually extend to the vinyl, hot fudge, and stiletto heel area code, but you know what I mean. Still, there’s a lot to be said for setting my phone on vibrate, sticking it in my trousers, and asking beautiful strangers to call me.
Along with the internet, sex robots, and three-ply toilet paper, cameras on cell phones will go down as some of history’s best ideas. Light bulb, shmight bulb (I just made that up. Ain’t I clever?), just give me a chance to snap a picture of “Crack Filler” at the Home Depot and I’m the funniest guy in your address book.
Whenever I go out, I look for something which catches my eye. Something whose sense of style grips me. Something which prompts me to say, “Hey, that’s pretty funny.”
If you’ve been a follower of mine for a while, first let me offer you my sincere condolences. But, if you’re still with me, I’m sure you’ve noticed some of the pictures I’ve taken. Things like “Bone and Joint Institute,” “Joint Compound,” “Plastic Wood,” “Wood Filler,” and “Butter Krak” struck my funny bone as I passed them. Hopefully, you felt the same way.
But I could never figure out what that can of "Heinz Spotted Dick" was.
I’m still looking for a box of condoms which are sized “small.” Alas, like Bigfoot and a Rhodes Scholar working at the carnival, I don’t think they exist.
Of course, the cell phone camera is an absolutely perfect vehicle for abuse (i.e., Anthony Weiner sending pictures of the Little Congressman around the country). But, I prefer to use it with discretion and at a level of maturity not seen in the halls of Congress.
Which is why I didn’t snap a picture of those twelve inch dildos in the Poconos. I took a picture of tampons instead.
Hmm, come to think of it, maybe I will run for office.
Anyway, since they say a picture is worth a thousand words.....
I followed this truck until I ran out of gas. But I'm thinking it's probably false advertising. Like all those signs for BJs.
Imagine how seriously pissed off these guys were when they showed up at the Patent Office and found out that the name "Jenga" was already taken.
In case you're wondering what he's been up to.
Seriously, pretentious A-Hole, you couldn't find any place to put your frikkin' sunglasses?
Even though I say it too, think about what people are really asking you to do when they ask you to dial 'O'. If you dialed 'O' instead of '0', you'd actually be dialing '6.' And I'm thinking that would seriously F things up.
NOTE: You already know my feelings on calling the 'Number' symbol a "pound" sign.
Okay, this will be the last time I send a picture from Five Guys (probably not. I really like the place, clogged arteries notwithstanding). But, what kind of CYA is this warning? How could anyone possibly tell that the peanut you're holding came from 5 Guys? Are microchips imbedded in the things? I'm tempted to buy some peanuts from the supermarket, pop a few in my mouth, and then walk in front of the joint (hee hee...I said 'joint'). The manager would probably urinate his pants for fear of a lawsuit.
What kind of freak, mutant marshmallow circus do these things come from? Just because you press banana-flavored foam into the shape of a peanut doesn't give you the right to call them "Circus" Peanuts. Tell you what. Next time you go to the Greatest Show on Earth, try pawning one of these off to the pachyderms. Jumbo will shove them right up your ass.
NOTE: It's probably okay to remove these from Five Guys.
True, I didn't take this with my cell phone camera. But, since what I have to say about this wouldn't take an entire post, I thought to fit it here. Didja ever notice that the only invention that Invent Help talks about is this crazy little deal? No wonder they say that Bill Schaefer's (and an unnamed
accomplice helper) success is no guarantee that you'll end up inventing the best thing since sliced bread.
Like a cellphone camera.
Okay, that’s it for now. I need to go set my phone on vibrate.
Hey, how ‘bout giving me a ring?