Saturday, June 11, 2011
Not surprisingly, we weren't able to exactly duplicate our initial foray to the "Land of Love." We did manage to....well, no sense getting into that. But, at least we were able to get to sleep at a reasonable hour, I was able to watch a baseball game on TV, she finished her "CSI" book, gross our kids out with "We're doing it now" texts, and who doesn't love those little hotel soaps?
Anyway, in an attempt to forestall what she thought was the inevitable, my wife convinced me to visit the gift shop. Not nearly as cheesy as I remember, it still offered your standard touristy crap: coffee cups emblazoned with the resort logo, tee shirts of every size and color, the ubiquitous frogs-smoking-cigars figurines, personalized golf balls, his and her beef jerky, and lotions in every flavor except meatloaf.
I found it odd that they also sold an impressive variety of mens magazines. I mean, if you want to spend close to $500 so you could bring the latest copy of Penthouse Letters to your room, I won't judge. I just think you could do it cheaper in the parking lot of Cracker Barrel.
They also sold a dazzling variety of sex toys, sex aids, and blow-up livestock. As I wandered through that section, I giggled at the memory of when we first went there. I remembered my mission of bringing "Marital Aid of the Night" back to the room each evening ("No, you dope!! The bumps go on the outside!!").
The resort has certainly changed that display, too. For instance, I haven't seen such a collection of dildos in my life. Coming (hee hee...I said "coming") in sizes and vein counts, the 12 inch version even had a remote control! My God, I'd be afraid to turn the thing on. It'd probably chase me around the room.
They even had a homosexual version with remote control. Feel free to use your imagination with that one.
Anyway, while browsing through the medicine area in search of something to relieve the indigestion I developed at dinner (c'mon, give me a break. I am 25 years older, after all), I noticed a fairly robust collection of feminine hygiene products.
Oh, wow, I thought. Can you just imagine how much of a gyp it would be to come (hee hee... I said "come" again) all that way only to need to buy a box of lady plugs?
Better to need tampons, I guess. Beats watching your lady friend popping her teeth into a jelly glass.
Or turning on that 12 inch dildo.
Today's Current News: Refusing to resign, Congressman Anthony Weiner insists he'll stick it out.