NOTE: Due to the fact that my post for the letter ‘B’ was as long as a Stephen King novel (all right, that’s an exaggeration. But, it didn’t have vampires. Okay, I can just hear you say, “But, it sucked!”) and ‘E’ will make the State of the Union look like a limerick, I’ve decided that ‘D’ should be a quick one (golly, that sounds kinda dirty). However, unlike yesterday’s equally short offering, the following really happened. I also didn’t change the names, because I can’t imagine anyone being able to figure out who these guys really are.
One Saturday afternoon while at work trying not to destroy a multi-million dollar aircraft, my two friends (George and Alex) and I told our boss that we needed to go the Personnel Office to fill out some forms to officially document my recent marriage to the Bug-Eyed Ugly Woman, affectionately known as ‘BUG’ (shockingly, we’ve since divorced).
At first, our supervisor looked at us with some skepticism, figuring that we just wanted to duck out of a comprehensive inspection of one of our jets. He finally relented after realizing that the best chance of our squadron actually passing inspection was if we were nowhere near the flightline.
Why he didn’t question why THREE people needed to go is beyond me. Then again, he really wasn’t the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree. And he didn’t like us.
Thanking him profusely, we headed off to the “Bureaucracy Black Hole.”
In reality, we went to George’s doublewide mobile home to eat eggs, drink coffee, and watch the “Three Stooges.”
As we wolfed down our eggs and watched Curly get whacked with a hammer by Moe (is that ever NOT funny?), Alex and I glanced down at George’s dog, one of those non-breed, non-descript, non-housetrained dogs that usually have a penchant (snooty word for “hankerin’”) for socially unredeemable behavior (aka “leg humping”).
Anyway, as most male dogs are wont to do (I love using that phrase!), “Scraps” (I forgot his real name) plopped himself in front of Moe, Larry, and Curly and began to...er...clean himself (c’mon YOU know what I mean!).
Alex, ever the lover of nature, intently watched this particular bit of canine hygiene with great interest.
He wistfully opined, “Wow, I wish I could do that!”
Grunting, George shoved another bite of eggs into his mouth and finished his coffee. Without missing a beat, he nonchalantly said, “Well...okay, but you’d better ask his permission first.”