Thursday, February 24, 2011

And the Award Goes to...

    I was recently given a major award (sadly, it wasn’t a plastic leg lamp): the “Stylish Blogger Award.” 
    When I saw my blog listed as one of the recipients, I was all atwitter although, since I sometimes don’t wear pants when I write, I have serious doubts about just how “stylish” I am.
    Plus, have you seen the picture I use for “Penwasser Place?”
    Well, I suppose if golfers can be called “athletes” and Snooki can be considered “sexy,” I guess I can be “stylish.”
    So, thanks a bunch, holsterrsss from Gormless Expression.  You should check out her blog.  I did and, much to her chagrin, I stayed on as a stalker follower.
    I’m going to try to insert the link to her blog.  Wait a that’s not right...nobody wants to see those pictures of when I attended the “Ru Paul Day Camp.”  OK, here we go...NOW!
    Hopefully, that worked.
    Anyway, “Stylish Blogger” comes with many valuable prizes which is why you should be jealous of me.  In fact, I even had Ed McMahon show up at my door with a Publishers Clearinghouse check.  Which is a pretty neat trick.  Since he’s dead.
    On the other hand, since we’re asked to nominate 15 other bloggers after we receive our award, this honor has been passed around as much as Lindsey at a kegger.
    Eventually, if this person nominates 15 bloggers and those people each nominates 15 others, we’ll all have a sparkling virtual award for our desktops.  It’ll be a lot like Little League where even the kid with no head gets a participation trophy.  Yessir, it’s a brave new world.
    On the other hand, it could be worse.  Imagine how sucky it would be if nobody knew you even existed.  Yeah, now you know how MSNBC feels.
    Another thing we’re supposed to do is provide seven true facts about ourselves.  Why seven and not ten is beyond me.  Maybe the first recipient of this award didn’t feel like writing more than seven.  Or couldn’t think of more than seven.  How sad is that? 
    Heck, if he (or she) asked, I could have at least given them Fact #8:  “I’m so dreadfully boring, I can only think of seven interesting things about me.”
    But, I can certainly provide seven, if not true, then kinda true facts about a guy who feels no qualms about sitting on a curbside toilet.  And, the way I see it, they only have to be interesting to me.  They don’t necessarily have to be interesting to you.
    In no certain order, I present some insight into what makes me tick.  Well, in no certain order mostly because they’re significant in their own right.  And I didn’t feel like putting them in order.
    Believe it or not, these are completely factual.  As far as you know.
    1.  If you comment on my blog, yours is the first one I’ll read.  (NOTE: This is in no way meant to “guilt” you into commenting.  Much.).  I still wish that guy from Slovenia would "hollah" at me.    
    2.  I like to use “parentheses” and “NOTE:” quite a bit whenever I write (NOTE: Just like now.)          
    3.  I have not been invited to Prince William’s wedding.  Which ordinarily wouldn’t bother me, except that I’ve already bought the damn cheese fondue set at Penney’s.
    4.  I have farted and blamed the dog.
    5.  Whenever I get junk mail, I mail the empty “No Postage Necessary” envelope back to whoever sent me that offer for a new credit card to Sonic in the first place.
    6.  I have set all the egg timers in the mall kitchen store and ran out before they went off in one minute.
    7.  I was in the Navy for 27 years.  Nope, nothing sarcastic to say.  The government is watching.
    Wow, you’re kidding me.  I have to stop there?  There’s lots more interesting things to say.  Man, I really feel sorry for that schmuck who was stumped after seven.
    But, if I could give you just one more, I’d have to concur with Oilfield Trash (another “Stylish Blogger”) when he was asked to pony up a few kernels of oily wisdom.  He said he thinks of weird shit.  Not to parrot him (golly, that sounds dirty), but I also think of and write down any goofy nonsense which comes to mind.  To quote John F. (or was that Bobby?  Or Ted?  Well, whoever.) Kennedy:  “Some men see things and ask why, some men see things and say why not, I see things and say man, that’s some weird shit.  I bet I can make some people laugh.”
    Anyway, I think that’s why I enjoy reading his blog.  I think we’re of a common mind that way (sort of a Bush-Quayle team.  Only with brains).  You can check out his blog, Make Daddy a Sammich, below (I think I got this whole “insert link” stuff down cold now):
    Well, I guess I should nominate 15 other folks here. 
    However, rather than going through all the trouble of doing so (believe me, monkeys can write the Bible faster that I can type.  And with fewer errors.), may I direct your attention instead to the blogs I follow? 
    Yeah, yeah, I know, it’s kinda lazy of me.  But, I have crippling arthritis in my fingers.  No?  Would you believe I have no hands?  No?
    OK, I’m frikkin’ lazy.
    Still, if I’m one of your followers, then you are most definitely a “stylish” blogger.
    Especially if you keep your pants on.



  1. i try to keep my pants on. and just so you know, i'm planning to mention you in a post i've got percolating in my head. maybe tonight or at least by tomorrow. you're welcome! =)

    I forgot to mention one of my favorite bloggers. If you want to laugh at uproarious topics, visit SherilinR at "Laughing My Abs Off,"
    You'll be glad you did.
    Really, her blog is worth a look. There are very few people who can make a funny story out of gastrointestinal distress.
    Best fishes,

  3. Congrats on getting the award.

    Thanks for pimping out my blog.

  4. Congratulations to one of the most stylish blogger I have ever had the priviledge of following, ha ha. Now pardon me while I deal with the tornado and straight line winds that are passing over my home at the moment. Love your junk mail revelation!

  5. Found you through the High Five Friday Blog Hop. You're hilarious! I use way too many parenthetical asides myself (it's a sickness, I'm working on it, I swear).

  6. Good post Al. Did you know I grew up in NJ? Lived in CT for 20 years? Your comment made me laugh and I wondered.

  7. @OT: Thanks-you deserve it.
    @Clipped: yeah, the junk mail thing is my form of civil disobedience. My wife just shakes her head.
    @Nikki:Thanks! But, you're right. It IS a sickness. I also see evrry speling errur their evuhr wuz. I even koorect missspelingz on bathrum wallz. I can't help myself.
    @Barb: I did not. That's why I included the Disclaimers. Where in New Jersey? I'll resist the cliche "What exit?" (oops, I guess I didn't) and Connecticut?

  8. Al, I have always thought of you as being stylish. I mean you tennis shoes are bright white and that is hard to do. Mine are always a dingy gray.

    Congrats on being stylish and all....

  9. Personally, I think awards are a pain in the ass...but as to junk mail...I tear up the credit card application into many, many pieces and mail to back to them in the postage free envelope!

  10. I wonder if I start adding all of my blog awards to my resume it will increase my chances of finding an outstanding job?

    Tossing It Out

  11. Blog hopping today and am your newest follower. I hope that 1 of my blogs interests you too.

    I also do a weekend blog hop, you can link up on open every Friday-Sunday!

  12. That egg timer prank is hilarious. I like your style, Al.

  13. Well if you're not going to the wedding I can't see anybody else bothering to show up.

  14. @lifeshighway: I use toothpaste on my sneakers. Not only does it get them blindingly white, I don't have to suffer from foot gingivitis. Bad enough they smell like pee.
    @Eva: I really do mail empty return envelopes back to the schmucks who want to give me this credit card or that offer. It doesn't cost me a cent and all I have to do is drop it in my own mailbox. Yep, just "stickin' it to the man!"
    @Arlee: it may get you a cup of coffee with every $2.00 spent.
    @Tawna: Welcome to the club! True to my word, I will fart and blame the dog. Then, I'll go have a look at your blogs! Thanks!
    @Robyn: I've really done that, too. It was even funnier when my kids were little and the three of us would do it. After doing so, we'd race by my wife and whisper, "Get out now!" But, lately I've noticed that the egg timers come all wrapped in that hard plastic shell. Ah, the passing of youth!
    @tatty: You're not going, either? Damn snobs!

  15. I, on the other hand, was born in Bridgeport and pretty much grew up in Stratford.

  16. Oh, yeah. That's in Connecticut.
    Wonder if I can set the record for most posts in one's post?