Wednesday, January 19, 2011

All the World's A Blog

    Every blog writer loves to get comments (how’s that for a shameless cry for attention?).  Comments bestow upon our  ramblings the official imprimatur that what we choose to put down on paper-or computer screen-is worthy of note.  OK, so it’s not official, really, but you know what I mean.
    So, I check my blog on a daily basis to see if anyone is brave enough to admit that they have indeed read my rants.  If nobody <> <> has done so, I just insert my own comments:  “Great job, Al,” “You’re a fantastic writer, Al,” “I want to have your baby, Al.”
    For those of you who have done so, you have my sincere gratitude.  Thank you.  Maybe there’ll be a little something extra in your next paycheck.  Ooops, sorry, can’t make that happen.  But, in return, I will read your blog and comment back as a sort of literary “reach around.”
    In my search for the validation of, let’s face it, perfect strangers (“You like me, you really like me!”), I’ve also stumbled across my blog’s stats.  
    I certainly understand some of them.  For instance, I see that a variety of browsers are employed: Internet Explorer, Safari (used by people hunting big game, I presume), Firefox, and Chrome, whatever the frig that is.
    Likewise, there are a number of Operating Systems used by you kind people (send those comments in!): Windows, Macintosh, Other Unix, and Linux (although I could’ve sworn he was Charlie Brown’s best friend).
    Referring URLs, I get.  Other forms of traffic sources, not so much, but basically I get the gist of it.
    What intrigues me the most, though, (CAUTION: pretentious “writer-speak” ahead) is where my readers hail from (yes, snooty grammar police, I ended a sentence with a preposition. Sue me.).  I hadn’t realized the extent to which Blogspot reaches out to the civilized world.  And Canada.
    For example, I see that people from the United States have read my blog a total of 484 times.  Now, since 480 of those are probably just me having a little “peek-a-boo” to see if any comments are posted (keep ‘em coming!), I think that little statistic may be skewed.
    I then looked at where else in the world I might have (CAUTION: pompous ego ahead) fans.  United Kingdom, sure.  Belgium, absolutely (plus, I love your waffles).  France (I knew that membership in the Jerry Lewis Fan Club would pay off).  I also have some readers in Germany and Russia (although I think they’re forced to read by the government).
    But, lo and behold (NOTE: a saying usually used in the Bible and by effeminate snots.  Uh, oh), I have had 53 pageviews from Luxembourg.  Golly, I didn’t know there were 53 people IN Luxembourg.  Whatever, Luxembourgites.  Or should that be Luxembourgers?  In any case, keep ‘em coming.  I welcome you!
    The strangest pageviews come from (please don’t hate me) Slovenia and Vietnam, 13 and 10, respectively. 
    In trying to figure out why anyone from Slovenia would care to read my nonsense, I remember when I coached a soccer team several years back.  One of my most talented players was a young man from Slovenia.  Unfortunately, he had to move back to the “Old Country” before the season started (translation: losing season), so maybe he’s the reader.  I think he liked me.  I hope.
    Vietnam, though?  I knew a guy from Vietnam.  He was a pretty decent fellow who spoke much better English than I could ever hope to speak Vietnamese.  We eventually went out separate ways.  From what I know, he never went back to Southeast Asia.  Maybe some family...?  Still, ten times?  Is cable TV that bad in Vietnam?  Or am I that good?
    Yeah, I know.  Cable TV must be that bad.
    Anyway, it is with great cheer that I view the number of pageviews on my blog (Have I mentioned? Comments are welcome).  I especially like the one selection that tells me who is reading my blog “NOW.”  I always wonder who that can be.
    I just hope that, whoever he is, he’s not writing “You suck.”


  1. First, I read my stats. I read them like a baseball fanatics read their stats and I have never ever EVER gotten any visits from Luxembourg. What, there are maybe 200 people living in that country. That would mean you have covered the Luxembourg market! Think of the power, you could start whole trends with a group of people who, statistically speaking, follow your every word. Personally I am overwhelmed.

  2. I know, huh? I'm amazed at my stats. I've never met anyone from Luxembourg, so I'm flattered that someone from there is evidently reading what I have to say. I'd read there blog if they let me know who they were.

  3. You DON'T suck.
    P.S. I'm from Canada, aka uncivilization.

  4. Thank you. And I apologize-I didn't mean it. The best comedy, I feel, is that which is absurd (i.e., who in their right mind would think Canada is uncivilized-it's a beautiful country!)