Thursday, February 11, 2010

Open Wide Part Deux

    Of course, anything more complicated than cleaning has its own "features", too.  It's then when the industrial-strength tools (“New from Ronco, the people who gave you the ‘Do-It-Yourself Prostate Check’!”) are trotted out and our mouths become dartboards.
    We yearn for the tranquility of cleaning as the dentist administers painkiller with a No. 2 pencil before it's time to drill a tooth, fill a cavity with molten metal, or peel away our gums in pursuit of the evildoer “plaque-the germ which causes gingivitis."
    And, I think you'll all acknowledge the terror inspired by three little words:  "Impacted Wisdom Teeth."
    Luckily, I've not been blessed with the dubious distinction of wisdom teeth.  Due to a genetic quirk in my make-up, I've never had the pleasure.  Guess all that asbestos in my crib spared me.
    On the downside, I have more metal in my mouth than a refugee from "I, Robot" thanks, in large part, to a childhood filled with the likes of "Sugar Pops", "Sugar Smacks", and "Super Sugar Crisp."
    Granted, cavities and tooth decay have obvious drawbacks.  But, there's something to be said for all my shiny fillings.  Not only can they tune in my favorite radio stations, they've pretty much exhausted the number of places where a cavity can actually take hold.
    Of course, a rigorous program of conscientious dental hygiene probably would’ve done the trick just as well, too.
    All this being said, you can't beat the care I've received.  Not only do I not have to place my teeth in a jar at night, I'm free from the ill effects of gum disease, tooth pain, and discoloration.  To say nothing of halitosis.  I hope.
    So, the next time you dread going to the dentist, remember the alternatives.  By eliminating dental care, not only will you end up looking like one of the Royal Family, you may also condemn yourself to eating foods no harder than tapioca and sporting gums which recede to your eyeballs.
    Oh, and while you're at it, remember to floss, willya?




  1. I never had my wisdom teeth come in..but three root canals made up for it!

  2. i hate it when i have quirks in my makeup. leaves streaks.