Monday, June 20, 2016

Captain Caption XCVII

In basketball, a "Moving Pick" is a personal foul on which a player is in motion while setting a screen and, as a result, comes into contact with an opponent.

Or this.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Update

    I suppose this happens every year following the A-Z Challenge.  After one month of  columns followed by another of reading and commenting on columns, I find myself loathe to jump right back into the fray.  Well, much beyond quick Captain Captions (seriously, like a girl I knew in high school, they're easy), that is.


NOTE:  That is a lie.  I never met a girl like that.


    In fact, I find it hard (double entendre...you're welcome) to even read comments on whenever I do post.  Likewise (even though it's my first priority) I've been slow to read and comment on your blogs.

    You may have noticed you haven't seen a whole lot of me (a blessing for most people).

"Come on!  You said there'd be doughnuts!!"
    In addition, life around these parts has achieved warp speed. Work, as always, takes its share.  
    Which, I suppose is good.  
Work=Pay
Pay=Groceries
Groceries=Bigger Belly  
Bigger Belly=New Jersey Governor.  
New Jersey Govern...wait, this is getting silly.

    Plus, my daughter graduated from college a few weeks ago (most of you know this).  A few days later, we took a five day trip to Tampa, Florida (by the way, fabulous).  Her original intention was to move to Florida.
Move To Florida=Empty House
Empty House=Me Walking Around in My Skivvies
Me Walking Around in My Skivvies=Vomiting Dog
Just An Observation...
Tampa has the most boobie bars
per capita I have ever seen
(this one was right next door to our hotel)

    Well, wouldn't you know it, she has decided not to move.  Which is a smart decision on her part.  So, I'll need to keep my pants on.  Which gets the dog's approval.

    In addition to all this, I've been asked to write a book based on the journal my stepfather wrote before he passed away.  I'm looking forward to this and will get right to it once I'm finished "50 Shades of Penwasser"  (which will be completed within the next couple of weeks).
Incidentally, these are all still available on Amazon.com
And, apparently, on my bathroom floor.
    On top of all this, we plan on selling the house.  Only thing, we have a few things to take care of.

You know, like this.
Hopefully, that'll be taken care of soon.
Things are getting a little antsy around here.
And this.
And there's six more just like it.
So, if you want to break your mother's back, come on over.
    So, the upshot (as opposed to rimshot...yeah, that's stupid and makes no sense), I'll be an infrequent flyer around here for a little while.  Oh, sure, I'll still pop in every so often, but not nearly so much as I'd like.

    I'll still be pretty active on Facebook and Twitter, so it's not like everyone's getting off easy.
"Heh...heh...heh...getting off."
      Well, if you'll excuse me, I need to go put on some pants.  I think I hear the dog.
"No, no, do what you want.  I'm good."

Monday, June 13, 2016

Captain Caption XCVI

Didja ever notice that Caitlyn Jenner has 'Man Hands?'
Hmm, come to think of it, I guess that goes without saying.

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Captain Caption XCV

The Trump Campaign firms up its foreign policy position.

"For all those losers who think I'm naive when it comes to geo-politics, it's become clear to me that MILLIONS of very bad people, some of whom may be supporters of Crooked Hillary, are streaming in from North Dakota into the United States!  When I'M president, we will build a wall at the Canadian border.  AND WE'LL GET KAMCHATKA TO PAY FOR IT!
CHINA!"

Sunday, June 5, 2016

Hey, Look Who It Is!

        


    
    We lost a pretty significant bit of our culture on Friday.

    Succumbing to septic shock, Muhammad Ali passed away on Friday in Scottsdale, Arizona.

    I won't pretend that he was a personal hero of mine, but I won't deny that he was to a whole lot of people. Neither will I launch into a detailed retelling of his life and career.  There's an awful lot to that, too.  A lot of it you know, some of it you don't.  

    And I sure as hell don't want to get into the whole political aspects of his life, either.  We have too much of that kinda crap going on as it is.
"CHINA!!!!"
    See what I mean?   

    I just would like to pass on a time when I saw him in person.

    In early 1998, my ship, the aircraft carrier, USS George
Jebel Ali...Muhammad Ali...relation?  Probably not.
Those names are about as common as Smith and Wang.
Still pretty freaky, huh?
Washington, was tied up to a pier in Jebel Ali in the United Arab Emirates.  A relatively short bus ride away from Dubai, it was one of the few places in the Persian Gulf where we felt fairly safe from being beheaded.  


    And, as it was the one of the very few places overseas which didn't require us to anchor offshore, we could drink beer on the pier (hey, that rhymes!  Take that, Pat Hatt).
"OMIGOD! OMIGOD! OMIGOD!
Someone said 'Wang!'"
    Anyway, as we were pierside and I didn't feel like taking the bus
Wrong Crane
into Dubai (all Jebel Ali had to offer were ships, piers, and those huge cranes), I decided to walk off the ship and purchase lunch from one of the many vendors which flocked to the ship like so many Middle East seagulls.


    Having bought some food and a drink from Abu Dhabi Fried Goat, I grabbed one of the chairs set up by the vendors and started reading a book.
"Hey, don't knock it 'til you tried it.
Tastes like chicken.
Which was sodomized by a goat.
Which is kinda our thing."
    After a few pages, I heard a commotion and saw a limousine 
WARNING:  Shameless commercial plug ahead.
You can learn what a 'brow' is
and much more in It's An Adventure!
Now with hookers!
Available on amazon.com.
pull up at the foot of the brow  (aka 'gangplank'). 


    Evidently, some bigwig was visiting.  I figured it would be some Emirati muckety-muck wanting to trade a few barrels of oil for a George Washington ballcrap and some Monte Cristo sandwiches.

    Well, wouldn't you know it, it was Muhammad Ali.  He had some difficulty climbing the steps to the entryway and, even though I was close to fifty yards away, I could see him shaking slightly from Parkinsons.  Even so, it was a real hoot to see the man who is so adored by millions worldwide.

    Like I said before, he really wasn't a hero of mine.  Even so, I couldn't resist acting like a starstruck doofus and shouted, "Hey, Champ!"

    He halted for a moment, looked down at me, and shook his fist like he used to do to Howard Cosell.  I hope he was giving me a sincere greeting.

   And not berating me for not saving him any goat.
"Float like a butterfly,
sting like a bee.
That hideous Penwasser guy
didn't save any goat for me."
   In any event, that was my very small brush with greatness,

   Much better than when I met Phil McConkey from the New York Giants in 1989.
"Oh, yeah?  Well, how many Super Bowls have you played in?
That's what I thought.  Punk."

    Seems like a touchy-feely Facebook kind of a thing to write, but...
Rest in peace


Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Captain Caption XCIV

"Mr. President, I have some guy on the line who wants to know if your refrigerator is running.
 I don't know, sounds like Trump."

Monday, May 30, 2016