Sunday, September 28, 2014

Toaster Strudel, Ja?

    I know.  

   That creepy little German kid just popping up in peoples' kitchens really weirds me out, too.
    
"You vil be liking ze toaster strudel pastries, ja?
Und you vil shmile.  Or, ve zhall shoot zis puppy."

    
But, hey, it could be worse.

Yeah, that's what I thought.


    So, whaddya say?  Let's crank up the toaster.


Sociological Observation:  Not for nothin', but that kid would sooooo get his ass kicked in an American Middle School.  Ja.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Captain Caption XLXIX


From June 23, 2012:  the very FIRST Facebook Funnies!

Since last week was the 100th Facebook Funnies/Captain Caption, I thought it would be appropriate to repost the one which got the whole thing started.

Okay, it's because I didn't write anything new this week.  I really oughta keep up with this stuff.  But, I've been so busy writing my book and surfing for porn, that it can sometimes be a trial.

In any event if you've seen this, my apologies.   Please consider visiting some of my followers, many of whom know how to psell.

If you haven't, then it's new to you.  In which case, I probably shouldn't have told you it's a repost.

Ohhhhh....eff!

"Ya know, if that whole Supreme Court thing doesn't work out for you, you may want to consider washing your face, taking the dress off, and see if you can get your job back playing 'Doug' on the King of Queens."


In case you don't know, this is a picture of Elena Kagan who, in August, 2010, became the 112th justice of the U.S. Supreme Court. The other guy won the Nobel Peace Prize.  Yeah.  That's kinda ironic, huh?

Doug
from
King of Queens
Jake
from
State Farm
Although that really doesn't make any sense.


"Vlad, Barack again.  Barack Obama.  Jeez, how many Baracks do you know???  
Hey, listen, that Penwasser asshole is still doing it.  I thought we...oh, no, that's totally cool.  I know you have a country to invade and all.  No, no, I can totally call back."


Monday, September 22, 2014

It's Baaaaccccckkkkk

WARNING:  The following contains picture reposts.  Proceed with caution.


    In case you missed it, Autumn started at 10:29 EDT (or 2259 EDT for the "24 Hour Clock People").

NOTE:  Picture for entertainment use only.
Because it's not light out at night, that's why.  
And so it begins.  

No, I don't mean working at Walmart.

Meanwhile...in Australia....

"It's springtime and I can go to the beach.
Hey, why don't you take a picture?
Lasts longer, mate."




Saturday, September 20, 2014

You Say Tomahto. I Say Tomayto. Infidel.

 


    "Okay, I'd like to call the first meeting of ISIS to order.  Our first order of business will be our secret handshake.  Our second will...yes, Jamail?"
    "What does 'ISIS' mean?"
    "Islamic State of Iraq and Syria."
    "Wait...what?  The infidel Obama said we weren't Islamic."
    "Yeah, well, he picked Biden to be his vice-president, too, sooooo....  Anyway, we...yes, Jamail?"
    "Wait, wasn't 'ISIS' also an Egyptian goddess?"
    "Yes."
    "And a rock band?"
    "Yes."
    "And the 'International Secret Intelligence Service' on 'Archer?'  I love 'Archer'."
    "Yes."
    "And a TV show in the 70s?"
    "Yes."
    "I think it's a pharmaceutical company, too."
    "Yes."
    "And, I...hey!  Wasn't there a Shazam!/ISIS Power Hour cartoon in the 70's?"
    "Sigh....yes.  So, what's your point?"
    "My point is, why don't we have a more unique name?"
    "Sigh...that's probably true.  Let's see...KAOS, SPECTRE, and the KKK are already used.  How about 'ISIL'?"
    "What's that?"
    "Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant."
    "Levant?"
    "The countries along the Eastern Mediterranean."
    "Hmm...maybe.  But, don't we only control land in Iraq and Syria?"
    "Yes, what of it?"
    "Well, Levant doesn't make sense then."
    "But, we have Muslim brothers in Lebanon, Jordan, Turkey, Egypt, and Israel."
    "Yeah, but we have them in Minneapolis, too."
    "So we do.  But, I'm still gonn...hey!  Are you trying to bust my balls, Jamail?"
    "Tee...hee...hee, you caught me!  Allahu Akbar!"
    "Smart ass.  Allahu Akbar, yourself." 


Thursday, September 18, 2014

Captain Caption XLVIII

"Vlad?  Barry.  Hey, listen, we gotta do something about that smart-ass Penwasser.  This is his 48th 'Captain Caption.' Now, I'm not very good
 at math-except I can track the shit out of my golf score-but when you combine it with his stupid 'Facebook Funnies,' that makes 100 of
 these damn things, a lot of which involve you and me.  Or should
 that be you and 'I'?  Anyway, the IRS is all tied up keeping an eye
 on my citizens and the NSA has its own problems.  I'd put Biden on
 it, but he's an idiot.  Can you help a brother out?"


"Who is this?"


"BROTHER!!??  RACIST!!!"

Sunday, September 14, 2014

American Educashun-Leading the World!


  At least they spelled "Leo" correctly.  That's gotta count for something.  

  And, isn't it "Cancer the Crab"  instead of "Cancer the Lobster"?

Incidentally, I thought it was "Gemini-The Twins"
not "Gemini-the Siamese Twins."

  I'm thinking they can forget a career in the sciences.

  On the bright side, I hear the fast food industry is hiring.  They've clearly demonstrated they have the required skills.

Must have that special sauce.
Good thing they're moving to Canada.
If they misspell anything in French, who would know?

"They're," "Their," "There."  
Who the frik cares?  It's a chicken joint.  
Plus, I like Buffalo Nuggets, two.
See what I did their there?



Even better, they're looking to get the minimum wage increased!

USA!  USA!  USA!


Friday, September 12, 2014

Sunrise

September 12, 2001

Naval Air Station Keflavik, Iceland

Time to grieve for friends, grieve for family
And convince ourselves that there continues to be good all over the world.