Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Captain Caption CXXII

3 Way

Sunday, September 25, 2016

This On a Continual Loop

Much more effective than waterboarding.


Friday, September 23, 2016

George HW Bush to Vote For Hillary?

"Hey, that's how we get to a New World Order.
Plus, I'm totally butt-hurt about what Orange Julius did during the debates.
He may be a dunce, but he's my boy."

"Please clap."

"What?  The old fart called me a dunce?  Oh, he meant Jeb? 
That's okay, then.
Jeb is kind of a doofus.
Who is this again?"

"Please to be getting off the lines.
Am holdings for Mr. Bahamas."

"Yes, my refrigerator is running.  Why?"
"Huh.  There it goes."

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Caption Caption CXX

"You know, Don, I don't normally swing that way.
But a 'handy's' a 'handy,' after all."

Sunday, September 18, 2016

You Know Me

    Unless you just happened to blunder onto Penwasser Place by accident while looking for porn,
You know, like the newsletter from NAMFLA 
(North America Man-Fish Love Association)

you pretty much know what you're getting into.  Most of you are regulars, some from the get-go in 2009 (like Pat and the Cat, those poor bastards) and some roped in from the various A-Z Challenges throughout the year (and for that, I thank you Arlee Bird!).

    Through it all, you've seen your share of probably questionable topics, many from the gutter....
"Penwasser's still down there, right?"

and many which don't share your world view.
"I think he's talking about us again."
    But, despite that, I know you know that I don't mean to give offense and try my darndest to be even-handed in my shots.
"Can I tell you that, if I get elected, that puke Penwasser-and, by the way, I know your real name, AL-will be forced to stop making fun of me and my little hands.  Not to say I have little hands, mind you.  There's nothing wrong in that department, that I can promise you.  But, his slimy, sleazy, disgusting attacks will cease, that I can guarantee.  That I can guarantee.  I will build a wall around him so big-and get him to pay for it-that he will regret calling me Orange Julius.  Although, I love Orange Julius, to be honest, even you can only really find it at Dairy Queen, to be honest.  Which I love, even though it's Dairy Queen.  And I love their music.  And homosexuals, too.
"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I could go for a Butterfinger Blizzard."
    This may not be so when it comes to Facebook or Twitter (Twitter more so, because I'm restricted to 140 characters).  Even though I think most of my Facebook followers know what kind of lunatic I am, some may get offended by what I post.

    So it was yesterday, when I posted the below:

I'd get one of these, but they never stay in my yard.
    Now, if you don't already know, many times I'm inspired by something I see out in the world (a court order allows me supervised interaction with the public).  Some things just strike me as wildly funny.

NOTE:  they may not strike YOU as wildly funny, though.  Well, look at you with your mental health and everything.

Like what Ken uses before a date with Barbie.
Yeah, I can be that silly.
    In any case, I'll usually post them fairly quickly (one of the reasons Mrs. Penwasser doesn't like me to walk around with a cell phone camera) and wait for the guffaws to commence.  At no time do I wish to cause offense or post something in poor taste (wellllll......poor taste is probably subjective).

    When I posted the Wandering Jew picture, I was initially worried that someone may take it in an anti-Semitic fashion.  Not my intent.  
    In fact, I wish it was a "Wandering Methodist" instead.

    But since comedy, like Rosie O'Donnell in a thong or naked Whoopi Goldberg, isn't pretty, I went ahead.
    Within minutes, though, I got this...

Despite it all, like Grandma, this guy is comedy gold
    Now I know the person didn't think I was making a racist joke (actually, bigoted.  I learned the difference a couple weeks ago.  That will be the subject of a future post) and was being funny himself.  

      However, I worried that some other person in my Facebook orbit (not all as hip and cool as you) may think I was making a "Jewish Jibe."

NOTE:  this may sound like a cliche in a "some of my best friends are black" kinda way, but the first Mrs. Penwasser was Jewish.  Luckily for her, she came to her senses and dumped me like a week-old plate of gefilte fish.

      So, I deleted it.
    The moral of the story is to be conscious of your surroundings and don't post anything which may be misconstrued.  I don't give a tinker's fart about someone being "butt hurt," but I am genuinely concerned that I don't unintentionally hurt someone's feelings.

    Now, before you think I've gone all Alan Alda, Phil Donahue, or that kid in his jammies on you, never fear.  I know you know me. Penwasser Place will remain the same.
"Well, that's just great!
I guess this means no little marshmallows for my cocoa!"

    And, incidentally, my Facebook won't change all that much.
After all, I just posted a note about how I received an "Erect On Demand" email.

    How's that for a tease to be a follower?

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Captain Caption CXIX

Ibrahim Ibn Al-Youseff finds out his 72 virgins will be
drawn  from Dearborn, Michigan area Star Trek Fan Clubs

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

The Wrath of Ken Goes Metric

Well, there's five minutes you'll never get back.