Thursday, July 24, 2014

Captain Caption XLI

Scientists Investigating Giant Hole In Siberia.

In related news, Octo-Mom visits Russia.

Monday, July 21, 2014

What Goes Around...

After posting a picture last week which purported to be proof of extraterrestrial life here on Earth...

C'mon, you know the one.

Gary Busey posted a picture of me on his blog.

Well played, Gary.  Well played.

The Moral of the Story:  Those who live in glass houses ought to use the rest room at the gas station.  Or something like that.

NOTE:  A Gary Busey blog is not verifiable and may, in fact, be a total fabrication.  After all, it's tough to type with tentacles.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Captain Caption XL

NASA says discovering alien life within next 20 years is "within reach."


Monday, July 14, 2014

It's Always the Same

Each year, whenever I have my physical, I always hope that my doctor will forget to check my prostate.  

This year? 

He didn't forget

On the bright side, I'm as clean as a whistle.  Just not the type of whistle you'd like to use.  I'm just sayin'...

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Captain Caption XXXIX

NOTE:  All you smug lot in the Southern Hemisphere, winter's there.  Good luck with that.

Monday, July 7, 2014

All My Stuff is Here

"Okay, so it's a deal.  We keep the colonies, but we'll send you Madonna.  You can have football, but we're gonna call it soccer.  That's okay, though, because nobody will watch it.
Now...I hate to ask this, who gets France?  Oh, efff.  Hey, what if we give them Jerry Lewis?"
    On Independence Day (I don't prefer to call it the "4th of July" because every country has the 4th of July), Pickleope wrote a very entertaining post called "Give Me Freedom or Give Me Pickles." In it, he castigated those who would wrap themselves in the American flag under the guise of patriotism.  To him, this was a ridiculous way of saying, "My country can beat up your country. Nyah, nyah, nyah!"  Or something like that.

    Far be it from me to hawk his (or her-did we ever figure that
Tell you what...when you figure that out,
let me know what I am."
out?) post, but if you haven't already, go ahead and check it out.  He/she (whatever) also mentions pickles so it's worth a look.  I mean, c'mon...pickles!!

    I agree with the esteemed Pickleope that there are those who blindly wrap themselves in the flag and who do think they're better than anyone else.  If you don't believe me, watch NASCAR or a Larry the Cable Guy special.
    Oh, my, that was a gross stereotype.  How 'bout a Boston Pops concert?  They're probably there, too. 

"Hahahahahahaha...that's hilarious!
Hey!  What's that black dude doing here?"
    But, where I disagree is that I am a patriot who loves his country, but not blindly.  And certainly not from a "my country, may she always be in the right.  But, my country, right or wrong."  standpoint.  Okay, I'm paraphrasing, but I didn't feel like looking it up.  This is what's known as "lazy."

Yep, more than this.
But this is enough.
  The United States certainly has its share of warts over the course of its history.  The US hasn't been perfect by any stretch.  I know this and readily acknowledge this.  By the way, Pickle (may I call you Pickle?), spot on about Washington and the Revolutionary War.

    But, I do love my country.  And, by my "country,"  I mean my family, friends, and the good people who live here.  I don't mean our government.  They're just a bunch of empty suits pandering to this special interest or that.

"Oh, yeah?  Well, you suck!
Plus, I got more action than you did.  Winning!"
"You suck."
For every Obama, there was a Bush.  Suffice to say there are weasels on both sides of the aisle.  But, since I don't want to get drawn into a long tiresome debate, let's try people who've been dead almost 200 years...for every John Adams, there was a Thomas Jefferson.
"Who's getting some action??"
   That being said, I'll tell you this....I'll bet that had I been born in another country, I would have loved it too.

Exhibit:  A
    Because of my time in the Navy, I have traveled to many lands.  I've even lived in one-Iceland.  I've found good people there and something positive about each.  Of course, I've also met some real scumbags and seen some awful things.  Then again, I could say the same thing about the New Jersey Shore.
Yeah, even Spain.
They were probably Red Sox fans, so it's cool.


There isn't one that I wouldn't like to visit again.

    To sum up, I'm proud to be an American.  

    But, I sincerely hope you're proud to be British, Australian, Canadian, Mexican, French (no, really), and New Zealanderish, too.

    Oh yeah, I also hope you're proud to be Russian.

    I see "Russia" on my "Audience" stats a lot and I don't want to hack you guys off.   
"Here's lookink at you, Al.
24 hours a day."

    Tell Pickleope I said "Hi!"

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Captain Caption XXXVII

"You too?"
"Yeah, I would have thought that Viagra would have worn off by now."